1. They deceived this person about L. Ron Hubbard’s attractiveness.
2. They fondled this person’s North Face jacket.
3. They stood in front of the DSW this person shops at.
4. They did not give this person free Kool Aid or sneakers.
5. They did not give this person enough free food.
6. They made this person “want to go jump off a bridge.”
7. They strong-armed this person.
8. They chain smoked and looked “cracky as shit” when this person was around.
9. They’ve kept this person’s block safe.
10. They served this person a satisfying, reasonably price brunch of chicken crepes.
11. They served this person “terrific” orange juice.
12. They were great entertainment for this person when no good zombie movies were out.
13. They talked to this person “about real things,” not “Snooki’s DUI.”
- The Army Corps of Engineers and North Dakota police have ordered protesters to leave the Dakota Access Pipeline site by this afternoon or face arrest.
- Seven Earth-sized planets that could have water and possibly sustain life have been discovered orbiting a dwarf star, NASA announced today.
- The ACLU is suing the city of Milwaukee and its police for allegedly performing thousands of illegal stop-and-frisk searches that targeted minorities.
- #Peggygate: West Elm offers full refunds for the notoriously disintegrating Peggy Couch days after pulling it from its website and stores👏