1. They deceived this person about L. Ron Hubbard’s attractiveness.
2. They fondled this person’s North Face jacket.
3. They stood in front of the DSW this person shops at.
4. They did not give this person free Kool Aid or sneakers.
5. They did not give this person enough free food.
6. They made this person “want to go jump off a bridge.”
7. They strong-armed this person.
8. They chain smoked and looked “cracky as shit” when this person was around.
9. They’ve kept this person’s block safe.
10. They served this person a satisfying, reasonably price brunch of chicken crepes.
11. They served this person “terrific” orange juice.
12. They were great entertainment for this person when no good zombie movies were out.
13. They talked to this person “about real things,” not “Snooki’s DUI.”
- Republicans have breathed new life into their once dead Obamacare replacement and it may be enough to get the bill through the House.
- Sebastian Gorka couldn't make it as a national security expert in Hungary, but that's not stopping him from advising President Trump.
- People are calling the Trump administration's new "criminal alien" hotline to report how they've been victimized by space aliens 👽☎️
- Chipotle is finally adding dessert to its menu and cinnamon, honey, and caramel butter dipping sauce will be involved 😋