13 Ways Scientologists Have Impacted The Lives Of Yelp Reviewers

Scientology Churches and recruitment centers around the country have left regular people disappointed overall by everything from L. Ron Hubbard’s sex appeal to recruiters’ clinginess. Watch out, guys — this could be you.

1. They deceived this person about L. Ron Hubbard’s attractiveness.

2. They fondled this person’s North Face jacket.

3. They stood in front of the DSW this person shops at.

4. They did not give this person free Kool Aid or sneakers.

5. They did not give this person enough free food.

6. They made this person “want to go jump off a bridge.”

7. They strong-armed this person.

8. They chain smoked and looked “cracky as shit” when this person was around.

9. They’ve kept this person’s block safe.

10. They served this person a satisfying, reasonably price brunch of chicken crepes.

11. They served this person “terrific” orange juice.

12. They were great entertainment for this person when no good zombie movies were out.

13. They talked to this person “about real things,” not “Snooki’s DUI.”

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