Skip To Content

    Here's What Your Poop May Be Trying To Tell You

    That's right, folks, we made an entire show about poop. Bombs away!

    Hillary and Keith talked to a bunch of folks about pooping and why the topic makes some people uneasy. They also did some awesome poop-classifying, and threw it all in this video, which will change the way you think about your poop.

    View this video on YouTube

    BuzzFeedVideo / Via

    This is the second episode of Unwritten Rules, a new BuzzFeed Motion Pictures show where we talk about things that usually aren’t talked about.

    First, Hillary wanted to get to the bottom of why people are going around saying women don't drop deuces.

    And that kicks this list of rules off with rule #1: EVERYBODY POOPS! Women, men, babies, dogs, cats, etc.

    Now that we've established that, we've got a little problem. Where do we find a clean place to poop? Keith went looking for answers.

    He also discovered that most public bathrooms are gross, full of pissy-seats, and just NOT a good place to take a shit.

    He finally thought he found a good one at Starby's, but with one slight hiccup.

    The. Struggle. Is. Real. Although Keith had a hard time finding a clean place to poop, he did discover that the cleanest and most globally-available bathroom is Starbucks. Which leads us to rule #2, when in doubt...

    Now that we have established how difficult it can be to find a place to poop, it's time to tackle the question of, "WHY DOES MY POOP LOOK LIKE THAT?" For that, Hillary spoke to poop expert. Meet Dr. DeLeve.

    Here are a few artist renderings of the crap:

    First: Little pebble-like stools, here, the poop is getting dried out because it is taking too long to get through the guts and it's a sign of constipation.

    Middle: Not the ideal poop, and there's a little constipation going on.

    Last: This green poop is one of the most perfect poops. Normal is brown, green, or yellow.

    But the ideal poop is this bad boy:

    Which leads us to rule #3. It's def okay to look at your own kids after you drop them off at the pool, if you catch our drift.

    But, come on... NO ONE WANTS TO LOOK AT THAT! We're all on our phones checkin' Insta, duh, cause pooping is boring.

    So Keith naturally had to ask his work BFF, Zach, what his poop methods were. Zach told Keith he's got a dedicated hand for his phone...

    Keith challenged Zach to leave his phone outside the bathroom, but we're pretty sure that won't be happening again.

    With that said, both Keith and Hillary agreed that it is OKAY to bring your phone to the loo.

    Our final adventure brought us to an IRL poop story, or should we say, poop travesty. Keith and Hillz re-enacted this real-life story.

    ^ We've all been there, ya know, driving with someone and suddenly the guts start to bubble. But in this IRL story, the gent obvi hadn't done anything like this before in front of his girlfriend.

    But sometimes you just gotta go where ya gotta go.

    Needless to say, this sh*tty situation didn't have much effect on our hero's relationship.

    That strange story did have a happy ending that brought us to rule #5, love is truly greater than poop.

    Now that the sh*t-show is over, what rules did we forget?