1. You love their untraditional grammatical choices.
2. You know all the best colors by name.
3. And you LOL when the folks at essie get risque.
Starter Wife. No Pre-Nup. Size Matters.
4. You like that someone LITERALLY washes your hands, cleans the dirt out from under your nails, and trims your hangnails.
5. You have experienced the agony of trying to take glitter off at home by yourself.
6. You're encouraged to read and discuss the tabloids. Maybe you'll even catch a Kardashian marathon on mute.
Sometimes there's a little ambient soft rock playing.
7. You get free relationship advice.
8. And compliments on your rings.
9. You respect a good paraffin wax.
10. Square or round? You are the master of your destiny.
11. You love that you can go wild and really let loose.
Srsly, neutral pinks aren't going anywhere.
12. You're thrilled nail art is currently acceptable for grown women.
13. You're happy to see the names Sunny and Linda alive and thriving.
14. And it's comforting for you to encounter a modern day caboodle.
15. You like the challenge of texting with wet nails. Be bad, girl.
16. You're into being pampered. Hand massages? Pink lotion? Cracked knuckles? YES PLEASE.
17. Unlike you, a good nail tech respects the boundary between your nails and cuticles.
18. You know there are two magic words: CALLOUS. REMOVAL.
19. You can always spice up your life with deluxe add-ons.
20. You know it's a great place for some quality family bonding time in massage chairs.
21. And that real men can get into it.
Insiders might call this a triple threat.