Vladimir Putin has insisted that leaders attending the Russian G20 summit will only be heard if they fight a Kamchatka bear whilst stripped to the waist.
The city of Detroit is to be sold to a passing Japanese tourist for $6.17, a strawberry Twizzler, and a couple of slightly creased Pokemon cards.
Despite having lost both his legs and his family, Syrian civil war casualty Aziz Gorani is 'positively thrilled' that the royal baby has passed its first solid stool.
Confounding years of scepticism, DARPA scientists will invent a time machine next week, something they already did last Thursday. No, wait...um...
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