7 Cons Of Having Ryan Gosling's Babies
Girls worldwide want a little baby Gosling, but have they really thought it through?
Today news broke that Ryan Gosling has impregnated Eva Mendes. The headlines started coming in thick and fast of girls worldwide being heartbroken and drowning in their ignorant tears.
It seems to be a common thing as a teenage girl to want a good looking, celebrity male to impregnate them so they can birth the offspring of said good looking, celebrity male. Here is my question - why?! I mean Ladies, have you really thought this through? Have you thought of the consequences of offering up your fantastic birthing hips to some James Franco type who might actually accept? If Kelly Kapoor from The Office taught us anything it's that pregnancy can trap Men into staying with you and forces them to love you. So maybe that's the appeal here? But there are so many other factors to consider like:
1. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A BABY! That's less time with the Gos licking chocolate off his abs and more time cleaning vomit off your non existent abs. And the vomit isn't even Ryan's.
2. He gets to travel the world living the life of luxury while you are at home raising baby Noah.
3. Yes, your baby is named after Ryan's "The Notebook" character in hopes that you will raise him into the heart warming character Noah was.
4. The hate mail. You are the one who has crushed girls dreams of birthing baby Gos. Girls who obviously haven't read number 1, 2 and 3 on my list yet.
5. Do you really want Ryan Gosling to be in the delivery room when you poop on the table? I know he's said all these encouraging things to females in the past to get them through tough times, but can he really stand there and watch you in your most vulnerable position. It doesn't matter if Kevin from Accounting (who is more realistically going to be the one to knock you up after the office party) sees you like that but Ryan Gosling should always be under the impression that girls, you especially, never defecate.
6. The pressure to have a good looking child. Of course every Mother thinks their baby is cute but when you are comparing them to baby daddy Gos your child looks like a middle aged, balding man who has been hit in the face with a rake. Multiple times.
7. What if Ryan Gosling isn't as good as you thought? What if he has been blessed by the sexy wand but hit with the boring stick? That boring piece of hot ass is in your life forever. That is the daily dilemma you will be faced with. Oh as well as the little Gosling nugget to remind you of your bad decision.
At the end of the day it's your choice. If you still want to lure Ryan Gosling to your home, seduce him and then have years of genuinely awkward family photos, be my guest. But don't say I didn't warn you.
Fuck, who am I kidding, we would all have his kid. You would be set for life and Noah would probably marry a 4th generation Kardashian. As you were..
Become a Community Contributor.
