10 T-Shirts That Will Get You Laid

Written by a REAL Chick

1. The Deep V

Via store.americanapparel.net

Nothing makes us hungrier over dinner than catching an erotic glimpse of your luscious man cleavage itching to be set free from "apricot"-hued 100% Dov Charney-defiled sheer jersey.

American Apparel $24.00

2. The Mountain Three Wolf a.k.a. "Dwight"

Via amazon.com

2,344 rave reviews (and counting) can't be wrong. Combined with the Dwight stamp of approval it's as good as a money-back guarantee.

Amazon.com $11.95 - $26.96 (?)

3. The Tuxedo

Via tuxedo-tshirts-online.com

Honest to God, it really does give off that, "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party," vibe (thank you, Talladega Nights). You should know that just because you can't afford custom Tom Ford doesn't mean you can't look like James Bond in preshrunk cotton.

Tuxedo T-shirts Online $16.85 and up

4. The Frat

All kinds 'a posers wearing college tees these days - bitches don't even know WHAT to believe. You went to Ridgewood University? Nevermind, you just went to American Eagle...

But not with frat tees, they are a guarantee that you were (at least physically) on a campus for some period of time. Girlfriend rush starts NOW.

Two months of hazing required.

5. The Ed Hardy

If Jon Gosselin's baby-making skills are any indication, guys, you should really invest in Mr. Hardy. Nothing says you're "hard" (te he he he he) like a fierce tattoo (t-shirt), that represents an intoxicating cocktail of spray tan, dubstep and pubic lice straight from the shores of the dirty Jerz.

EdHardyShop.com $39.99 and up

6. The Hangover

It assures us of your paternal instincts. Expect to hear, "You'd be SUCH a good dad," and soft admiring coos. Forget the puppy, you don't even have to clean up after this chicknip.

Amazon.com $17.90

7. The SuperFan

Wait, wha...???!!! You like to spend all Sunday flipping between ESPN and Fox? Soulmates!!!! This tell us you're loyal, athletic (?) and clever up-front in scratchy cotton-blend. And let's face it, the less you have to say on game-day, the better.

Available at tailgates everywhere.

8. The Too-Small

You know how when you shave around your junk it makes it look bigger?!? Guess what boys, that SAME equation works for your pecs: tight tees!

Think about it: you like us in shirts that show off our curves. Makes sense now, heh? Rule of thumb: snug enough we can see the shape of your nipple - but please no borrowing from your sister's closet.

Any shirt, two sizes too small

9. The Jerry Garcia

We'll sniff out your hygiene apathy from across the room - not by the smell of cannabis and body odor - but by the sight of beautiful bright colors twirling together in a River Dance of psychedelia. Hey, it worked for Ben & Jerry, we LOVE them.

DIY, Salvation Army, Amazon.com also sells a sassy Las Vegas version $10.99

10. The Situation

LFO likes girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch... well, we like boys who sport the moose too. When we see that A&F, we imagine the rippling abs, chiseled pecs and lightly sun-kissed skin drowned in Fierce cologne that beckons us from underneath... or the most irresistible member of the Jersey Shore cast. Either way.

Abercrombie and Fitch $20-30