How To Make Better Dance By Not Flailing About Quite So Much

So you want to make dances but you don't know what they are? Ask ten people you'll get eleven opinions; ask me instead and I'll give you twelve! That's one more than you'd have gotten running around to all those other schmucks.

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So is it a "dance" if you put tights on and point your toes in front of a bunch of rich people? Kinky... but no, not necessarily.

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What if you cover yourself in paint and make creepy faces at unsuspecting middle-American families on their first visit to MoMA?

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Or hold a suspiciously militaristic courtship ritual performed to songs of country life intoned with thinly veiled airs of bitterness and resentment? (Protip: you'll need to find a barn.)

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Some people think you've made a "dance" if you're moving and it's sexy.

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But it's not good choreography just because somebody's clapping for it.

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Taking your dancemaking skills to the next level is actually pretty simple: Stop trying so hard.

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Sometimes you've got to be patient.

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No, really, be still. It's obvious when you you're faking.

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That doesn't mean you can't feel things. Even a quiet body hums its rumbling vastness. Can you hear the ocean? That's what your soul sounds like.

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Some choreography takes a lifetime to finish -- patience is a dance. Respect it.

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Listen to the stillness and let it build. When the time is right to move, you'll know. And it will be sooooo worth it.

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That's it! You passed your first choreography lesson with flying colors, now all you have to do is show up.