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If Game Of Thrones Characters Were Real Housewives

The similarities are uncanny

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Margaery Tyrell

Tagline: "I don't want to be a queen, I want to be the Queen."

Margaery is the Lisa Vanderpump of Westeros, she's manipulative, stylish, and rich as hell. As Kyle would say, going up against her is like playing chess with Bobby Fischer. She had a rough go of it last season with the her serial-housewife-dater fiance's death on their wedding day, but she seems to be back in the mix this season. She's also a friend to the gays, and although we haven't seen it yet, I have to imagine that Highgarden looks something like Villa Blanca.


Tagline: "The night is dark and full of terrors."

Melisandre, otherwise known as "the Red Woman," is by far the creepiest of the ladies of Westeros, which is why I think she and Carlton Gebbia would get along swimmingly. While she is not high born, she has the ear of Stannis Baratheon, which makes her a formidable opponent for any of the other women. Additionally, both Melisandre and Carlton have an affinity for witchcraft, and are not afraid to put it to good use against their fellow housewives. Melisandre's leech burning spell, which had a hand in killing Margaery's betrothed, is vaguely reminiscent of when Joyce accused Carlton of using a dark curse to give her husband food poisoning. Spooky!

Danaerys Targaryen

Tagline: "I will take what is mine with fire and blood."

Danaerys does things a little more New Jersey style. Like Caroline Manzo, she tries to be reasonable, but is definitely not afraid to get her hands dirty when she needs to. Also not unlike Caroline, she got in a pretty serious fight with one of her siblings, after which only one could stay on the show (Fortunately Dina Manzo remained alive to later gift us with "namaste, bitches." Viserys was not so lucky).

Sansa Stark

Tagline: "There's no honor in tricks."

Like Atlanta's Kandi Burruss, Sansa is not about the drama, yet it seems to follow wherever she goes. For one thing, both womens' finaces seem to be in it only for their money and connections (being the daughter of the Lord of Winterfell is a little like having written songs for Beyonce, right?). She also comes from a large family whom she loves, but they cause her lots of problems. While I wouldn't say her mother, Lady Catelyn, is quite on mama Joyce's level, she was definitely not in her right mind when she committed treason by setting Jamie Lannister free. Sansa is a trouper, and you can only hope things get better for her from here out.

Cersei Lannister

Tagline: "Tears aren't a woman's only weapon, the best one's between your legs."

While this tagline may be controversial as it is not Cersei's most famous line ("when you play the game of thrones, you win or you die"), I think it better encapsulates how awful she is. She's basically the Brandi Glanville of the group. She's always trying to make everything about her, and she talks about what a good mom she is constantly. She's also a little bit slutty, and probably drinks too much. To her credit though, she does a much better job at running the show and getting away with it than Brandi ever has.

"Friends of the housewives" include: Olenna Tyrell, Catelyn Stark, Shae, Brienne of Tarth, and Missandei.

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