What Canadians Really Want To Teach Americans

It's not your fault, guys. We learn about your country but your education system is more like "Canada? Lolololol." So here's a primer of the basics you might not know about Canada ...

Yes, our money is really pretty. Yours confuses us.

Richard Gillard / Getty Images

We need a five? Bam! Blue bill!

Your wallets must look like one big blur of dark ink. Are you constantly tipping with a $20 by accident?

Our weather is not that different from yours.

Vancouver

ibackpackcanada.com

Clam Harbour Beach, Nova Scotia

Toronto

No, it doesn't snow here year-round. We have beaches -- lots of 'em. In many provinces, the weather is actually BETTER than your weather.

OK, yeah ... sometimes it is pretty bad ...

Via backcountryskiingcanada.com

But you guys have a lot of snow, too! New York, Colorado, Pennsylvania, Indiana?!

Actually, it's possible that we just don't feel the cold like you do ...

Nothing makes us happier than walking around Florida in shorts and T-shirts when you guys are freezing in winter jackets.

(Florida is also great for buying super-cheap winter jackets to bring home to Canada.)

There's a reason every Jeopardy contestant uses "Toronto" as their response to just about every question about Canada.

Via m1.wholesite.com

It's like our "New York." It's not the nation's capital (that's Ottawa, FYI) but it's the big-ass city that everybody knows, holds the most people, and is generally considered the centre of the Canadian universe.

We're not ALWAYS polite.

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I mean, yes, we are USUALLY polite. But we also usually come back from visits state-side talking about how friendly you guys were, too. (That's how nice we are!)

Everyone has a magical card in their wallet.

Via i.imgur.com

It's called a health card. You hand it over at a walk-in clinic, emergency room, hospital or doctor's office in exchange for free healthcare. X-rays? Sure! Surgery? Yep! Overnight stay? Of course.

... but no, not EVERYTHING is free.

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Kids can usually see the dentist for free with their health card, but adults pay for dental plans just like y'all. If we go over our coverage limit, we pay.

Canada is big ... so, so, so big.

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You know how you guys zip around from state to state just to VISIT AN IKEA?!? That blows our minds.

Yes, we get a year of maternity leave, however ...

Via img.thesun.co.uk

It's NOT an automatic baby-cation with your full salary. You get to collect a portion of your salary for the year, and your employer might choose to "top you up" if they're super nice.

We know you make fun of Canadian spelling. Lots of extra u's and changing "er" to "re."

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But, like, don't you think your versions look really short ... like they're missing a "u"?

Anne of Green Gables might be one of the main reasons people visit Canada, and we're cool with that.

Via img.thesun.co.uk

#TeamAnne #AnneWithAnE

We can't understand why you guys aren't begging for our chips ...

All Dressed Chips

Ketchup chips

If enough of you wanted them, we're pretty sure you could get them. And they're awesome.

Lululemon? You're welcome.

Sure, we go to the U.S. for shopping, but we've started a few awesome brands ourselves. (See also: Joe Fresh, Roots, Hudson's Bay Company)

You will never understand the pain of wanting to buy something online and not being able to order it, because EVERYONE WILL SHIP TO THE U.S.

When a company does ship to Canada, the shipping charges are often more than the item itself. *smh*

We're worried you don't quite understand poutine ...

Buzzfeed / Via img.buzzfeed.com

We go to the U.S. and see "cheese fries" on the menu -- nope, not the same thing. Real poutine is french fries and cheese curds topped with gravy. Try it, live by it.

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CHEESE FRIES ARE NOT POUTINE!

Yeah, sometimes we pour maple syrup on the snow and eat it ...

Via happyhooligans.ca

... but you know who else did that? Laura Ingalls Wilder. It's just a cold-weather thing, not a Canadian thing.

You guys have 38 million people in California. We have 35 million people in our entire country.

Thinkstock / Getty Images

You guys must be pretty crowded, eh?

Our Prime Minister is a totally sexy feminist.

Wait, you knew that! We just like to remind people because before him, there was a longggg string of unattractive older gentlemen.

Same-sex marriage has been legal in parts of Canada since 2003 ... and EVERYWHERE in Canada since 2005.

Dominic Chan / Via thegayguidenetwork.com

We don't understand what your deal is down there, really?

We laugh at Canadian stereotypes, too ... eh?

MACLEANS / Via macleans.ca

That random patch of little islands up at the top? Yeah, we don't know what they're all about, either.

We don't call it "Canadian bacon." It's just "back bacon" here.

Yes, of course we still have regular bacon. We might even like it more than you guys.

We do change waaaay differently than you guys.

We have a $1 coin (the loonie) and a $2 coin (the toonie) but we scrapped pennies a few years back. If you pay with cash, your total is rounded up or down to the nearest five cents.

We don't actually say "a-boot."

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OK, fine, MOST OF US don't say "a-boot."

But we definitely say "Sorry" as much as you think we do. Maybe more.

Via funnyjunk.com

We really are sorry.