10 Things That Happen During Days Off

We all have days off from work, and if you don't then you need to fix that because life isn't made until you're eating Chinese food with the delivery man and watching MTV.

1. You pee in peace. I'm talking not even fingers wiggling under the door... god honest peace.

2. You forget how to tell time because your days off aren't set on a schedule filled with naps and feeding times.

3. You drop motherfucking F bombs like there's no tomorrow.

4. When it's time to eat, you take your time eating that motherfucking meal and you eat every last morsel without having to share. What's this?! No child on your lap grabbing the fork from your hands?!

5. You get in and out of a store in 15 minutes flat unless you feel like browsing. Then you browse for hours upon hours without cranky kids begging for food for the millionth time.

6. You sit on your couch practically nude binging on crappy MTV shows with popcorn, ice cream, wine, and the Chinese delivery man.

7. You stay out until 2 AM because you can actually sleep until 2PM if you wanted to (which you don't since your body is set to an automatic 6AM wakeup, but you could if you wanted to).

8. You fill your car with friends because you have your backseat again.

9. You listen to real music and not the 'Wheels on the Bus'

10. You drink copious amounts of wine until you forget that you actually have to work again on Monday.