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1. A sound machine/night light that'll help calm your racing mind since you haven't been able to stop wondering if there's a monster under your bed since 1994.
2. Or a classic white noise machine you can use to drown out any sounds of things that go ~bump~ in the night (realistically it's probably just your dishwasher or cat, but still).
3. A weighted blanket to suck the fear right out of your body and lull you back into the state of calm you once knew before seeing Pet Sematary.
4. A Ghostbusters Funko Pop that'll keep you company at all times and have you singing to yourself "I ain't afraid of no ghost."
5. Ultra soft earplugs you can keep on hand to block out all the horrifying sounds of your friends' horror movie marathon.
6. An affordable home security system with a motion and entry sensor that'll alert you to any funny business going on around your house.
7. A mug warmer, because there are few things as comforting as a hot cup of tea. This will assure you feel as coddled as possible for hours on end.
8. A hanging sloth planter that'll remind you goodness still exists in the world even after watching something horrific like Midsommar.
9. A motion-activated toilet light, a must for anyone who indulges in scary movies and is then terrified to get up and pee in the middle of the night.
10. A personal fan you'll be forever grateful for when you start to break into a nervous sweat just from seeing an ad for whatever Jordan Peele concocts up next.
11. A Homesick candle to remind you of your safe space — at home, sleeping on the floor next to your parents' bed because you're too freaking scared to sleep in your room alone.
12. Or an Otherland candle that might just make you feel more zen just by its appearance.
13. A Swiss Army Knife you can stow away in your bedside table to give you a sense of security and leave you prepared for ANYTHING!
14. A universal remote attachment, because no one wants to fumble with three different remotes trying to figure out which one will turn the TV off when a possessed doll is creeping across the screen.
15. A heatable dumpling plushie that'll make you forget all a-bao-t that bone-chilling scream you keep replaying in your head.
16. Fingerless flashlight gloves you can use when the power conveniently goes out on a dark and dreary night, and you need to get to your fuse box without falling on your face.
17. A color-changing LED mushroom night light that'll be there for you when you wake up in the middle of the night paralyzed with fear from a very specific clown-themed nightmare. Damn you, Stephen King.
18. A Nintendo Switch Lite to distract your brain and help you refocus on something more fun than the fact your S.O. made you relive all your childhood fears while watching The Ring again.
19. Or a subscription to Book of the Month that'll let you select a story to get lost in that has NOTHING to do with murder, gore, or ghosts (unless, you're a bit of a masochist and want to keep having sleepless nights).
20. A waterproof LED flashlight with five modes you can use to light up your entire room the second you hear ANYTHING that sounds like footsteps.
21. Or a critter catcher to help safely trap and remove any unwanted creature that wanders into your home. Added bonus? You MIGHT stop screaming bloody murder and running for higher ground when you see a spider.
22. An assortment of 20 toys with a jelly-like texture you'll be so enamored by you won't want to think about anything else.
23. Boo-tiful pearl earrings that'll prove to you there are friendly ghosts out there as well — not just demon-like ones!
24. A popcorn maker because if you're going to cave and watch a scary movie you might as well be able to have the proper throwing-popcorn-in-the-air-out-of-fear reaction, right?
25. A bundle of sage you can use to help banish negative energy from your home while also making it smell as relaxing as a yoga studio.
26. A unicorn loofah to help you wash off the dreary memories of the horrifying film you just watched and fill the rest of your evening with rainbow magic.
27. Or an evil eye bangle from Alex and Ani that is said to ward off harmful energy and misfortune. Sign me up!
28. Over-ear headphones with a 22-hour battery life so you can happily watch Hocus Pocus on your phone while your friends tune into something horrifying.
29. A witty crewneck sweatshirt to show your horror flick–loving friends you're here for a ~ghoul~ time despite the fact you'd much rather have a root canal than see a movie like this in theaters.
30. And a reversible sequin pillow with Nicholas Cage's face on it that'll either comfort you in your time of need or make EVERYTHING worse. That's up for you to decide.
Me anytime anyone says "let's watch a scary movie":
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