1. When her dog was going through a rough time.
Texting the vet "Spoiler alert:the infection is on his penis" is kinda the most "me" thing Ive done in a while.Also:my dog's penis is a mess
2. And when she had to share that experience with loved ones.
I guess the only thing u can do when yr dog has a penis infection is text 5 friends&a vet&yr boyfriend &just let them into that experience
3. When the power of Beyonce was just too much for her.
The new Beyoncé masterpiece is so sexual that I've actually had to shut it off and stare at the floor before resuming listening.
4. And when she pondered the truly meta questions.
5. When she was ready for whatever life might throw at her.
I saw a little girl in a party dress and was yelling "IM READY FOR A SURPRISE NOW!" And I deeply connect to this yes I do&i am ready
6. When she started to have an existential crisis.
Other things I would be fine w being today: a small clock, a houseplant, a good witch, a musical note, a woosh of wind, & as always, a mouse
7. When she restored our faith in humanity.
Ladies in front of me on this plane were strangers at takeoff, now I just heard one ask the other "What's yr favorite animal?"PPL ARE GOOD❤️
8. When she was queen of eating potato chips.
9. And when she let nature make the ultimate call.
I was eating dinner by the ocean& reading& a seagull flew onto my table, picked my potato up w his mouth&threw it at me so I guess I'm full
10. When she definitely didn't do any of these things.
Nope nope that was YOU who freaked out about whether or not yr face is expanding& YOU who got into a nightgown&ate so many potato chips
11. And the many times she's questioned what her true purpose was.
When Im by the sea Im so happy&I wonder if I was a mermaid before&made a classic deal to be here for love but it made me forget my mer-self
12. When she decided to call it quits.
13. When she appreciated the little things.
Last night I fell asleep while petting my dog's little velvety ear. What a good thing!
14. When she cast herself in the most perfect role.
No but like if FRIENDS was a show right now I would be auditioning for nothin but JANICE
15. When she, again, thought about what she ought to be instead of human.
Animals I am most like: deer, dog, mouse, duck. Animals I am least like: horse, bear, parrot (specifically), fish.
16. And when she had to resist her deepest desires.
17. When she reminded us of the best things in life.
Every time I see a dog w long,velvety ears&lil pointy snout sticking its face out of a car window Im certain I will never see a better thing
18. When she was all of us when our pets aren't cooperating.
I took my dog to set w me at 4AM & he's been furious with me all day& I just really need him to be supportive right now
19. When her inner monologue was an absolute delight.
"The man making your bagel thinks it's fine that u just ordered from him, took out your deoderant&put it on" is what I'm going with.
20. When her requests were simple and pure.
21. When she was a real grown-up adult.
asked where the batteries were& was directed to the candy aisle. Is this a hostile act? Also I'm not addicted to candy I CAN STOP ANY TIME
22. When she had a lot of feelings.
nephew said "I cannot lift up a small dog OR a big dog" it was perfect. Then added "u can bc yr old." A more complex set of feelings emerged
23. Whenever she's called out ridiculous men.
Suuuuper into this table of bros making a series of aggressive, unoriginal"golden shower"jokes.U guys r kings!So much power,such big penises
24. And when she finally nailed exactly what she was born to be.
