1.
my mum: why is your bed soaking wet me thinking about the 9 unsuccessful attempts to get the cat to drink water out of my cupped hands at 2am: i peed. that is pee
2.
"someday this will all be yours" I tell my cat, waving my arms wildly at a few amazon boxes by the front door
4.
New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT.
5.
BATMAN: I got you flowers CATWOMAN: Put them in this vase BATMAN: Ok CATWOMAN: *pushes vase off counter while maintaining eye contact*
6.
7.
Me: *Sobbing* One minute he loves me and the next he wants nothing to do me! Therapist: That's pretty typical cat behavior....
8.
ME: okay guys I bought a $100 cat tree and multiple beds just for you CATS:
10.
Cat: Remember that time you told me you wanted me to stand on your chest with my arse in your face at every opportunity? Me: No. Cat: Whatever!
12.
Sometimes I wonder if I spoil the cat, seeing him with his iPad, in his yurt.
13.
When someone asks what I’m up to, there’s a 90% chance I’m trying not to pee my pants while waiting patiently for my cat to decide she’s done laying on my lap
14.
I try to be a good person, but it has been indicated that if I keep ordering the big bags of cat litter from the Internet the UPS guy is going to put out a hit on me.
15.
@dreamyvortex me, when my cat stands straight on my neck, and chokes me out while he’s cleaning my face and purring
17.
When my cat meows at me after I’ve meowed at her, I genuinely believe I’ve spoken some kind of word in cat language.
18.
when ur cat gets the fly that's been buzzin' around ur apartment causin' a ruckus