Kicking The Habit: How To Get Off The Treadmill Of Social Comparison

Continually comparing ourselves to others can have a dark side. When we stop comparing ourselves to others, we dispel feelings of envy, regret, defensiveness, and judgment. Take these 7 practical steps to kick the comparison habit.

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“His ice cream cone is bigger than mine!” “My bike is faster than yours!” These are the sounds of children making comparisons. As they grow older, those comparisons change. They come to compare themselves with others around them. They look at others and wish they were as smart, good-looking, or rich. Or, they look at others, see their lacks and their faults, and feel superior. Neither of these behaviors makes us happy.

Social Comparison Theory

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Psychologists tell us that when we continually compare ourselves to others, we then base our own personal and social worth on how we perceive ourselves “stacking up” against these others. A study from Cal Tech University supports this, stating that people who frequently compare selves with others are more prone to envy, guilt, blame, regret, and dishonesty.

Less Than, More Than – It’s Only for Math, Please

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The problem with the habit of comparison is that it accomplishes nothing positive or productive, and, because there are an infinite number of people with whom we can compare ourselves, it never ends. And the categories for comparison (wealth, attractiveness, success, skills, talents, etc.) never end either. Thus, we waste precious time and nurture lots of negative emotions. Consider these things:

1. Comparisons are never fair. We either compare the worst in ourselves to what we think are the best in others, or vice versa.

2. Nothing is gained by comparison except in very rare instances (when a comparison motivates us to improve in some way).

3. Comparisons cause us to focus on the wrong person. We fixate on what others are or have rather than on what we are and have and our goals.

Kicking the Habit

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We break bad habits by replacing them with new one. So here are 7 new and practical habits you can nurture to replace that habit of comparison

1. Become aware and remind yourself of your successes. Write a perfect resume, even if you are not looking for a new job. Read that resume often.

2. Be of service to others. When we volunteer to help those less fortunate or practice random acts of kindness, we develop compassion rather than judgement and we take pride in who we are.

3. Save the competition for sports. Instead of competing with others, develop the habit of handing out at least one compliment per day to someone else.

4. Foster feelings of gratitude. Put a good-sized sign on your refrigerator that just says “Gratitude.” Decorate that sign so that it attracts your attention every time you go into that refrigerator. It will make you stop and consider all that you have to be grateful for. Gratitude reduces the need to compare.

5. Change your Surroundings. When you find yourself getting into that pattern of comparison, physically move away from where you are. Find some object or scene on which to focus instead.

6. Practice Good Comparison. When you find yourself involved in negative comparisons, think of a “hero” of yours. Name one great quality of that hero that you want to develop and use that as inspiration to improve yourself.

7. Compare Yourself to Yourself. Wayne Dyer, psychologist, philosopher, and author, once said, “The only comparison you should be making is this: Am I a better person today than I was yesterday?” When you ask yourself that question at the end of each day, and the answer is “no,” what will you do about it? Identify two things you will do tomorrow that will make you a better person, no matter how small they might be.

Via wordpress.com

Many of the steps for kicking the habit of negative comparisons relate to getting "outside" of oneself to focus on things that cannot be compared in any way, except with our own previous selves. If I can end my day today remembering that I practiced one act of kindness, complimented two people, identified one great thing about myself, and reminded myself of at least two things for which I am grateful, this day has made a more successful me.