Recently, we asked people in the BuzzFeed Community who were pregnant as teenagers to tell us what people often get wrong about teen pregnancy and parenting. Here are some of the most infuriatingly inaccurate things:
1. It's not just teen moms who have to deal with becoming teenage parents — there are cases where the father is the primary caregiver.
"You don’t hear much about the teen father of the child being involved. My brother became a parent at 18. He was actually the more responsible parent. She regularly wanted to ditch the baby with my family to go to the gym or out with her friends and would get upset when we weren’t in the mood to babysit."
2. Teenagers don't always realize right away that they're pregnant, and they may hide it a lot longer than people realize.
"A lot of teens don't know that they're pregnant or are in denial, so a lot of times they don't even realize it or tell anyone until it's obvious."
3. Pregnant teenagers are often preyed upon by people with their own agendas.
"I got pregnant at 17 and had my son at 18. The number of people who tried to convince me to have an abortion or give my son up for adoption was ridiculous. I felt like I was preyed upon by a lot of religious people who wanted to 'help' me when I was looking for guidance."
4. And you don't necessarily get much guidance from your doctor.
"Your doctors aren’t there guiding you every step of the way. It’s like a regular doctor's appointment. You go in, they ask what’s wrong, they tell you what they want you to do, and you’re out. TV shows made me think I was going to get extra guidance from my doctor. Luckily we live in the age of Google and social media, so we can easily search for and learn from others who are going through the same thing we are in modern times."
5. "Not all teen pregnancies come from being irresponsible."
"I got pregnant as a teenager, but only because the Pill *and* the condom failed. Most teen pregnancies I see in media happen because the people weren’t practicing safer sex. I was, and got pregnant anyway."
6. And abortion isn't always an agonizing choice.
"I also didn’t agonize about it or drown in guilt when I had an abortion. I feel like a lot of media, again, makes it seem like the hardest decision ever (for both teens and adults). For a lot of people, it’s not a difficult choice at all."
7. Parents are not always as unsupportive as the media portrays...
"I’m 19 (turning 20 later this month), and a few months ago I found out I was pregnant. My parents were very, very strict when I was growing up, and I’ve never had that lovey-dovey relationship with them. I thought that they would react extremely harshly, but it went so much better than I ever could’ve expected. There were tears, but oddly enough, they were from happiness, and now they’re so excited to be grandparents."
—Azra
8. ...but sometimes they're worse. And there can be really serious consequences for pregnant teenagers who are not given options or support.
"I had an engaged (but still unwed) aunt who got pregnant at 20, got kicked out of the house, and out of desperation gave herself a self-induced abortion. She passed away from complications days later. So many movies/shows don't focus on the lack of parental support that can happen. I feel that the majority have a somewhat frustrated, 'I'm not mad, just disappointed' parent, but they quickly get over it and accept it. Some parents never accept the fact that their kids are going to be parents themselves, and shows truly lack that reality."
9. You usually have to go back to school pretty soon after giving birth.
"I was expected to go back to school three weeks after birth. Obviously, I wasn’t ready to go back, but that’s what my OB and my parents thought was best for me, so I did."
10. It's WAY more work than it looks.
"My grandmother had my dad at 16. She was completely by herself; my grandfather denied paternity, and her parents disowned her immediately after they found out, so she had no one to take care of her or her baby except herself. They lived in a crappy studio apartment. For most of it, my grandma worked three jobs and did sewing on the side, and somehow never missed a football game, talent show, or birthday party. I once asked her when she had time to sleep, and she said that she thinks she slept three hours every other night for at least a decade."
11. Being a teen parent doesn't make you an adult — you still need parental permission for a lot.
"I was 15 when I had my oldest. It was also when you had to have parental consent for everything. Even birth control. I remember my mom having to sign for my Depo shot AFTER I had my child."
—J O
12. But sometimes you have to do very adult things, like finding someplace to live. Oftentimes this is difficult because people still see you as a kid.
"Finding a place to live can be a struggle. I was 19, with a 3-month-old, and was told to my face that I wouldn't be a good renter because I was young and would just party. I had a new baby and was busy finishing school; how many parties do you think I'm going to be throwing, sir?"
13. This can continue into your child's daycare and elementary school years, when you may not be taken seriously as a parent.
"The stigma of teen pregnancy follows you for years. It’s really hard to get your child’s teacher or school to take you and your concerns seriously when you are 20 or 21 with a first-grader. Other parents aren’t looking to be friends with the young mom. Everyone constantly second-guesses your parenting choices and thinks they know better than you."
14. You definitely have to give up a lot to be a teen parent.
"I was top in my class. Dance team. Top choir class. Gave it all up to take care of my kid. Took my kid to daycare and picked her up before and after school. Got a job the day I turned 16 and worked 40-plus hours a week while full time in high school. All the way until I graduated."
—J O
15. But it doesn't mean your life is over.
"Teen parents aren’t guaranteed to give up their lives. I got pregnant in high school and have raised an amazing (now teenage) daughter, and I am currently a doctoral candidate in psychology (aka I’m about to earn my PhD)."
16. In fact, there are GED programs and schools specifically for pregnant teenagers and teen moms.
"Fun fact: I went to a teen pregnancy school to finish off my diploma and saw a lot of things. My favorite will always be some girl slashing another's stroller tires due to baby daddy drama. 🤦🏼♀️"
17. And it's not all bad — the good news about being a teen parent is that you have a lot more energy than you might when you're older.
"I'm going on my third kid, and god, do I wish I had the energy I had at 15 when I had with my first. Being pregnant in your 30s sucks."
18. Plus, your body bounces back way easier when you're a teenager than when you're older.
"Speaking from experience, your body bounces back quickly after giving birth. I had my first child at 16 and my second at 31. The healing was way quicker when I was a teenager, and I didn't have to do anything to return to my prepregnancy weight and size. I was back to my normal size after six weeks with my first, whereas with my second, it took me nine months to lose all the weight."
19. And finally, sometimes teen parents do make it work and end up together.
"I am not a teen mom, but my mom is. They always show that it doesn't work out with the biological parents. My parents have been together for almost 30 years, and they love each other a lot. That being said, the media glamorizes it SOOO much. My mom had no other option but to have the baby, keep the baby, and raise it. Her parents were not supportive at first, and my dad had to join the military to make money. It is really hard."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.