I've Had Depression For A Decade — Here Are The 17 Things I'm Most Sick Of Hearing

Sometimes it's OK to just say nothing at all.

Talking about mental illness has become SO much more accepted in the last decade, but it's still super stigmatized, and let's be real...people are still saying a ton of stupid shit about it.

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As someone who's heard it alllll, here are just a few things I am sick and tired of hearing.

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For context, I've had depression for about a decade and anxiety for even longer by my account — I think I was around 19 when I was technically diagnosed (I'm 26 now). I've been on-off medication and in and out of therapy since. 

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1. "You'll feel better tomorrow."

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This is a super common one that I don't hear a lot anymore, but I used to hear it all the time. Depression is not something that goes away overnight, and even if the next day will be better, it doesn't really help in the moment.

2. And its more modern twin, "You'll feel better if you come out!"

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This is a tough one, because I know people mean well, and I do think encouraging people to get out of the house can be a good thing. But I've had a lot of times where what I really needed was just to sit with some friends, and they would keep trying to convince me to go out for drinks or a meal or shopping.

3. This may seem odd, but..."What's wrong?" or "What happened?"

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Obviously it's fine to ask these at first, but I've had people really push this after I tell them I'm feeling depressed, and get frustrated when I can't tell them what's wrong besides, "I'm feeling depressed." Sometimes there isn't any more than that — and also, depression can make it hard to think straight or articulate yourself well, at least for me. 

Sometimes the depression just hits, and all my coping mechanisms are working fine, but it's just a tough day. There's nothing I really need to work through, and seeing friends struggle to get through to me and find something to "fix" is hard, because then they get upset that they can't find anything, and I feel guilty, and it just spirals from there. Obviously I know people mean well with this, but it can be really frustrating to feel like people are trying to fix something that's just part of you. Instead, offer to listen or just sit with them and watch movies or do something else that's low-effort! It's also always good to ask what the person would like in that moment rather than pushing to make them feel better.

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4. "What happened to you?"

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Please do not ask anyone to relive their trauma for you — and also, it is entirely possible and even common to have a mental illness and not have experienced trauma.

5. Any sort of unsolicited advice about things that'll help, but ESPECIALLY "you just need to work out" or "you need to eat better."

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Diet and exercise can be part of getting better, but that's between the person and their doctor. In fact, please just never give anyone unsolicited working out or diet advice, mental illness or not. 

6. Especially coupled with things like "it worked for my cousin" or something.

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All people are different!

7. Asking for you to diagnose them (or worse, a friend or family member).

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If you're well meaning and the person is stable and a close friend, it's probably OK to say, "Hey, I think I might be depressed; do these sound like your symptoms?" But just because someone has a mental illness doesn't mean they're a doctor, and both of you are better off if you leave that kind of stuff to professionals. 

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8. "Why are you in therapy?"

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First of all, I think most people could benefit from going to therapy. You definitely do not need to have a mental illness to go! And even if you do...well, that's really no one's business unless you want to share it. 

9. And its twin: "If you're doing better, why are you still in therapy?"

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You do not need to actively be in a crisis to be in therapy. It's great for maintaining coping mechanisms and just as a non-judgmental place to talk through things.

10. "Do you talk about me?"

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It's not about you! Also, what we talk about in therapy is our business. This also just has major "without me?" energy.

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11. Asking if medication makes you a different person.

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No!!! If you have the right medication, it makes you MORE yourself. Well-meaning questions are usually fine if you're really close to the person and open-minded about things, but as a rule, try not to ask this.

12. "So, will you go crazy if you stop taking your meds?"

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Please just stay out of people's medication-related business. Also, that's pretty derogatory.

13. "Wouldn't you rather not put chemicals in your body?"

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OK, Karen. Have you literally ever taken medicine in your life? It's giving anti-vaxx vibes.

14. "But you don't want to take them forever."

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Some people only need medication for a short time, and some people do take it forever. What's wrong with that? If you were diabetic, you'd be on insulin forever. It's really not that strange.

15. And its twin: "If you feel better, why are you still taking them?"

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I feel better BECAUSE of the meds. If I stopped taking them, I might not feel as good anymore. That's just common sense.

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16. Ranting about overmedication and everyone taking "happy pills."

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First of all, please don't call them "happy pills." Second of all, if you want to have a well-researched debate on overmedication, sure (though maybe don't pick this debate with your friends with mental illnesses). But spouting a bunch of derogatory statements about how everyone is medicated these days can make the people you're talking to feel like maybe being medicated is bad or that they don't need treatment after all. Remember that you may not know that your friend has a mental illness or is contemplating getting treatment.

17. And finally...commenting on celebrities' mental health.

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I saw a great tweet once that was along the lines of, "Meghan Markle won't see your tweets doubting her suicidal thoughts, but your friends who have been suicidal will." Many people are not comfortable sharing their mental health struggles with their friends and family, and hearing this from you might be their only clue as to how you see mental health...so basically it's going to let them know right away that you're not a safe person to talk to. It feels like a pretty direct commentary on your own issues when a friend starts ranting about Meghan Markle or Demi Lovato. Just don't do it!!

Others with depression — what bothers you that people without depression say? Let us know in the comments!