Recently, we wrote about secrets people are keeping from their families, and the BuzzFeed Community chimed in with their own secrets. Here are 25 secrets people will take to the grave.*
*Along with a few from the original Reddit thread.
1. "I cannot stand my partner’s children. We both had two children each before we got together. His son is an egotistical narcissist, and his daughter is passive aggressive. Both created by him and his ex-wife. ... I’ve just gone silent and plan to leave him after nearly 24 years. I’d rather be alone than with that circus wagon of baggage."
—Anonymous
2. "I’m the only one who figured out that it was my brother who was making threatening phone calls to his own wife when she was home alone. He had her thinking she was being stalked. He quit when the cops told him they were about to make an arrest (they figured it out, too). He announced the impending arrest news at a party and then pretended it must have been someone at the party because it stopped."
—Anonymous
3. "During COVID I donated sperm to a woman overseas so she could have a child. She was a follower of mine on Instagram and asked if I would consider doing it since her fiancé had a very low sperm count. She paid for all the stuff, and I shipped it. They are now raising the daughter she had with my sperm. I'm very happy I could assist with her journey. I am married and have two kids of my own and would do it again if asked. My family doesn’t know and never will."
—Anonymous
4. "My dad used to steal my mother's nighttime blood pressure pill and hide it in a coat pocket. She had dementia, and they made her get up at night to pee. She died of complications of the resulting stroke. He was devastated, but in his mind, he made no connection. Medical care and drugs were always evil until he needed them. Amazing narcissist."
—Anonymous
5. "I've been cheating on my current fiancé. My family thinks I'm happy in my current relationship of 14 years, but a lot of shit has happened in the last four years. Neglect, being ignored, taking care of a man child, mentally draining years, feeling unattractive. While everyone else around us is happy, I'm starting to understand why things like this just happen in life. It's a shit situation, and this helped me release a second part of me I never knew existed. I thought I was gone as an individual, but I rediscovered myself. I never knew the connection of another person mentally could be this strong and make me feel alive again."
—Anonymous
6. "That my mother’s sister was killed by her husband because she was cheating on him. Everyone knows that, what they don’t know is that the other guy was my dad. It would tear the family apart if they knew."
—Anonymous
7. "My older brother took my virginity at age 10, and we kept it up till I was 18."
—Anonymous
8. "That I was sexually abused as a child by a relative. A repressed memory that I have just recently remembered. My mom is a social worker who helps sexually abused children and women, and yet she wasn’t able to protect her own child. A secret that I’ll probably take to my grave because I don’t want to break my parents' hearts."
9. "My husband is perceived to be a very nice guy. No one knows that he’s almost financially destroyed us repeatedly. He took my company credit card, spending $10,000 and losing me a job that I had spent my natural life building toward. He’s lost five jobs now, all for theft. The only reason he doesn’t have a felony on his record is because I have some close friends who are lawyers and worked tirelessly to help him out."
"Last week, I found out he hadn’t paid our mortgage since 2020 and we owed $50,000 by Tuesday (as in this Tuesday) because our house was in the middle of a foreclosure auction. I actually was able to fix the situation, which shocks even me. He spends his time off watching sports...nonstop sports. I have to fix whatever is wrong with our house, work with our kids, cook, clean, laundry, grocery shop, and I have a full-time and very demanding job.
I would leave but I don’t know how, honestly, and I can’t lose everything I’ve worked so hard to keep."
10. "I am a recovering fentanyl addict. When I was in active addiction, I stole $10,000 from my 89-year-old grandfather. The guilt and shame I live with because of it is hard. I’m terrified of telling them what I did. But I plan on making amends when I get to that step in the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous/Narcotics Anonymous."
—Anonymous
11. "That my soon-to-be ex-husband and I were swingers and also in a polyamorous relationship with our former 'best friends,' and my husband’s now serious girlfriend was actually his poly girlfriend. Also, that I continue to be in the swinger lifestyle even after my separation."
—Anonymous
12. "We are homeless and sleep in the car with my 2-and-a-half-year-old. I also have two older daughters who stay with us on the weekends. I save up for hotels as often as possible. No one knows except the kids. It's been 11 months, and there is no end in sight. (Yes, I have gone to local homeless shelters and agencies seeking help. I never get a call back. Just 'wait three months then do the survey again if no one reaches out to you before then.' The problem is without having a substance abuse problem or disability, my children and I are not priorities.) I refuse to have my children taken away, and that’s what will happen if anyone including family finds out. Trust me, they have already tried, twice. Being a single parent is hard."
—Anonymous
13. "This was 25+ years ago. Had it happened today, there would’ve been a much better outcome. I was a college student being paid by a family to babysit and tutor their special needs child a couple times a week. The father eventually found ways to try to be alone with me and attempted to sexually assault me. I always got away from him as quickly as possible, leaving the house with no explanation to anyone. He finally gave up, and I continued to watch and teach their child. I was afraid if I reported it, he would have to deny it because he was a teacher and the sole support of his family. I believed it would ruin them all. While I debated it, he was diagnosed with a devastating disease. His wife cared for and supported him until he passed. I was so glad that I hesitated to report this, and I will never tell the family or the community, but I will also never forget the helplessness and disgust I felt then."
—Anonymous
14. "My parents did not want children, so they had two 'accidents.' I am the oldest. My mother ran out on me when I was 7. I had to take care of my younger sister. This was a full-time job. She would sneak out and get drunk while doing drugs at 11. My father was extremely abusive, both mentally and physically. He would tell me how much he hated me, that I would amount to nothing since I was a loser. He even told me how he wished I had never been born. I would only see my mother a couple times a year. She was too busy with her new husband, attending parties while he was a grifter. She was never there for me. When we went to visit, it was obvious she really didn’t want us there. I think she did it to save face (as little as that was). It took me decades to overcome the severe depression of being an orphan of living parents after moving out at 15. I graduated high school at 16."
"I now hold six degrees, and my life is pretty normal now. There are times when I cry that I have no family. I am not close to my sister. We are complete opposites (she has been in prison twice for grifting). All my mother wanted was for me to send her money. I did for awhile, but I finally had to stop as she expected me to come visit and do projects for her. I have not seen my father since I left home. I ache when I see happy families doing things together. I wish desperately for a family. You can’t chose your family. I wish mine didn’t keep me."
—Anonymous
15. "I think my father-in-law is a terrible dad and manipulative partner. I could never tell my spouse because he sees his dad as his 'hero.' But the way this man treats his children is heartbreaking to watch. They keep giving him more chances, and he proves me right at every turn. I also believe that his treatment of my mother-in-law contributed to her dying by suicide. Not 100% on him as she had a lot of hidden mental health struggles, but the way he would speak to her or dismiss her had to have had an impact. I can feel myself get physically tense when I'm in the same room as him. Oh, did I mention he currently lives with us?"
—Anonymous
16. "That I am falling out of love with my husband and that I don’t feel welcome in this country (I moved several continents to be with him). I can’t go home now as my native country is in shambles, and I want a good life for my kid…but damn, it is mentally draining. ... My kid is literally my only anchor for sanity."
17. "The reason why I didn’t cry much when my father died. I remember comforting my mom when she was bawling over his passing. She felt conflicted over her feelings because they’d been divorced for years by that point, and I guess she just didn’t realize how much he still meant to her. But there was a moment when she paused her crying, looked me in the eyes, and in a moment of perfect realization said, 'Wait a minute. This is backwards. You just lost your dad! I should be the one comforting you!' I just gave a sad smile and told her not to worry about it right now and that I was going to be okay. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’d already mourned him years prior in middle school."
"You see, my dad had early onset Alzheimer’s, and his memory started to disappear starting with the most recent stuff. We hadn’t seen each other in years because my mom moved us across the country. One day he had called our house, and I answered. He asked for my older brother, but he paused and asked who he was talking to. I told him it was 'Jynx,' and he didn’t know who I was. It felt like a punch in the gut, and I took a moment to breathe before I handed the phone over to my brother. I cried the rest of the night."
18. "I'm still affected by the wreck I got into a while back. I still have nightmares about hitting black ice, and sometimes feel like I actually died in the crash and this is all not real. I know I need to see someone about it, but I don't have the money to do so. If my parents knew, they'd do everything in their power to try and help me, but I can't accept being a financial burden on them because they're already stretched thin as it is."
—Anonymous
19. "I’m biromantic. My parents are super Mormon and only accepted my asexuality because they thought it was just for attention. If they found out I like girls and guys, they’d freak out."
—Anonymous
20. "That I’m asexual. I’ve been married almost 20 years, and we did have a sex life for a while but not at all in three years. I’ve never been overly physical with affection, but it has gotten to a point I don’t want to be touched at all, and the thought of sex is just gross to me. I even get uncomfortable when there are kissing or sex scenes on TV or movies. I’ve always had medical issues so my husband has been understanding about me not feeling well so never pushes the need for sex. But I am afraid to tell him the truth because I know he would take it personally as though my issue is with him and not the reality that I’m not attracted to anyone."
—Anonymous
21. "I reconnected with my high school boyfriend after 33 years. We are both unhappily married for 30 years. The pure love is incredible, and the sex is spectacular. We plan on leaving our spouses this spring and getting married ASAP."
—Anonymous
22. "I'm considering abandoning my family entirely. I come from a fairly conservative and low income family, and had fallen into that low income trap myself, so it took me an exceedingly long time to move out. I am a trans person, but due to the conservative nature of my family, could not do anything with that until I did move out. Soon after I finally got my change, my mother got sick, and I had to move back in to take care of her, which meant that after waiting my entire life to finally start to transition, I had to put it all on hold. Aside from very occasional help from my brother and aunt (emphasis on occasional), I've been doing this all on my own. And with the way it's gone, it feels like I will be at this the rest of my mother's life."
"On top of being a caretaker essentially 24/7, I also work two jobs, so I am beyond burnt out. I constantly think about just walking out the door, never coming back, and letting the rest of the family handle her situation. The only thing that's kept me from doing so is knowing that I'd be an utter piece of shit if I did, but I truly don't know how much more I can take."
23. "I'm terrified of the cops. I'm a white man and have been with my wife who is Black for 19 years, and we've been married for 14 years and have three children together. In the years we have been together, we have managed to stay together with her parents not liking me for being white and vice-versa. Every since that cop killed George Floyd (RIP), I have constantly worried about my wife leaving the house by herself for fear of her not coming back because of the cops. I fear for my son who is a little darker than my other kids — I worry he won't make it home. I lie awake at night and worry about this so much my doctor put me on an anti-depressant."
—Anonymous
24. "I know my parents don’t love me and my sister as much as they do my older brother; it’s not even close. They deny it, but I secretly know they do. All of their friends have told me in person that my older brother is the golden child and can do no wrong while they barely (if ever) bring my sister and I up in a conversation. They’ve given my brother the family business and excluded us from it. On top of that, hundreds of thousands of dollars and housing. They always praise him and kiss his ass when we’re all together which is rare. They act like it’s always been equal, but its a complete lie."
25. And finally... "My wife and I are polyamorous. No one in our extended families, besides my wife's sister, knows. Neither of our parents would understand, and my brother would be weird about it. We have kids who are toddlers. They know my wife's boyfriend as 'Uncle.' Eventually, the truth will come out. I feel a kid will say something down the road. But right now, we're just living our lives with as little disturbance as we can muster."
Now let's try a different one — what secrets did your family keep from you? Let us know in the comments or via this anonymous form.
Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.