Recently, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to share the wildest stories about people they once dated, and they sure had a lot to say. Here are some people who seriously, seriously dodged a bullet.*
*We also included some responses from this Reddit thread.
1. "A couple of months after we broke up, my ex sent me a series of Facebook messages detailing how a girl he had slept with shortly before we met had come to him and told him that he had a year-and-a-half-old son. Apparently, she was dying of cancer, and he had to take over care of the boy. He even sent me pictures of the boy and said he had had a paternity test done. He told me all about how he was making child support payments, and getting a bigger place for them to live in. I was like, 'That's nice, good for you, best of luck,' and I guess he didn't feel like it was getting him enough, because a couple of weeks later, he sent me a message telling me his son had died. Then he laid out an elaborate story detailing how the boy had never been his son. The mother had borrowed the kid from her neighbor and made it all up. At this time I stopped answering any of his messages and changed my phone number."
2. "My ex-wife told me that her previous boyfriend was killed in a car wreck. Naive me let her go to his funeral in Missouri. A year later, after I found out she was cheating on me with several other guys; she left me for her dead ex-boyfriend. I laughed a year later when she called me to tell me they were divorcing and wanted to know if I'd hang out with her during such a difficult time."
3. "I had a boyfriend who used to pretend...that he had cancer pretty regularly to 'see how I'd react.'"
4. "My ex lied and told everyone his mom died in 9/11 to get sympathy and attention. He went so far as to get a Yankee tattoo on his neck to corroborate the story. He is not from New York, he's from Pennsylvania, and his mom is still alive. I am pretty sure he's never even been to New York."
5. "My ex who shall not be named brought a girl back from the bar on my birthday and forgot I was asleep in his bed."
6. "My ex had asked if we could have a baby when I was 19 and he was 23, and we’d only been together for five months. I then had four girls that day send me screenshots of him cheating. To make it even worse, he then proceeded to follow me and my friends in the car two hours away from where he lived for 45 minutes!"
—Anonymous
7. "I was with my ex for five years. I was thousands of miles away on a two-month work assignment, when one day I came home from work and received a breakup text from him. That was it; goodbye over text, I never saw him again. He immediately ran off with a divorced woman six years older than him that he met online playing computer games from another country. He moved 5,000 km away to move in with her and her two children from previous relationships. Got her pregnant within two weeks of meeting her in real life and moving in with her. I’ve since moved on, but this story is still interesting to tell for the reactions I get alone."
—Anonymous
8. "I had an ex that was dating me and my sister at the same time. Me and my sister were both dating someone, but we didn't really talk about it. When we found out, he just suggested a threesome. Blech."
—Anonymous
9. "I thought I might be pregnant the week of Christmas. We bought a pregnancy test, I peed on the stick, it came out negative. Relief, right? Well, he was so excited, he saved it until his mother came home. He then told her, 'I have a Christmas present for you' and gave her the negative test. She jumped for joy and hugged him and said it was the best present ever."
10. "After a fight, where I accused my then-girlfriend of being just the teensiest bit spoiled and selfish, she admitted that it was because she was an only child. She then told me what she had done to keep it that way; basically, she forced her mother to have an abortion whenever she became pregnant, by locking herself in her room, threatening to kill herself, until her mother relented. Her reasoning? 'That baby would grow up, and then it would want to ride my dad's horses. They're MY horses! No one else rides them!' Needless to say, I got out of there... But! A week later I called her anyway (she was ultra hot), and we decided to meet at a restaurant to patch things up. Imagine my surprise when I get there, and her dad is there! (BTW, this is the dad that called me one Friday and told me that his daughter was too old to be a virgin, and could I come over that weekend, as he and his wife were going to a party and would not be home until 3 a.m.)"
"The dinner is weird — a nice time is had by all, but I'm still upset that the dad is there. Then, after dessert as we're waiting for our coffees, my ex excuses herself. After she leaves for the ladies room, her dad looks me in the eye and says: 'So, my name, I heard you and EX had a fight...well, she told me about it, and she's asked me to tell you that she doesn't think you two should be going out anymore.' I was a bit dumbfounded. My ex returns, and asks her daddy if everything went ok, and he nods. She smiles happily and hugs him, and then tells me she hopes we can still be friends. Then they offer me a brandy with my coffee."
11. "When I was about 14, me and my first girlfriend were experimenting with French kissing. So we are kissing, without tongue, and then she says, 'Okay, I'm ready. 1, 2, 3...' and I went in. It was glorious. It was marvelous. She tasted like strawberries and gum, and her mouth was so warm and inviting. Then she started to suck on my lip... She then bit. Hard. Blood was spurting out of my mouth, gushing onto the floor and my clothes. She had bit a hole clean through the skin below my lip. And not a small hole. Oh no. She had ripped a hole that was about half an inch. She just stood there, dumbfounded, and asked me if that was normal. I, very calmly, screamed like a fucking animal. She ran away. Ah, memories."
12. "My ex showed up at my front door about five months after we had broken up. He wanted to tell me about how he's joined a group that solves Rubik's cubes competitively. He then quickly solved a cube in front of me and said, 'Bam! That's what you're missing, bitch.' I truly had nothing to say in return and just stood in my doorway and watched him leave."
13. "I dated a guy whose ex-GF stalked us. She called the hospital where I worked to get my address and drove about five hours to my parents' house, then drove to the coffee shop where we were and confronted us. (They were broken up at the time.) We always talked about how unhinged she was. Ten years later, I found him on Facebook and discovered he married her."
14. "My ex was so nasty. I remember once he was spending the night at my apartment. That morning, the corner in my bedroom was wet. I thought that there was a leak, but he told me that he had actually just peed there because he was too tired to go to the bathroom. He seemed offended that I didn’t find that hilarious. I broke up with him. That was, like, 20 years ago."
—Anonymous
15. "Had a going-away party before college. She showered with five of my friends, had a threesome in my bed with my two best friends (at the time), and slept with my brother. Wonderful way to start college."
16. "I had an ex that thought he was Shakespeare. When I had to break up with him, his response was, 'Today, I lost my arm...but the stump will still always be waiting for you.' He then proceeded to caress my deltoid muscle and kiss it repeatedly. I didn't know what to do so I just laughed hysterically. He ran out of the room crying."
17. "I had an ex who, two years into our relationship, told me he spoke to hooded figures, and those figures told him I was cheating on him... I wasn't. Later on, the college had a pizza party because the baseball team had a huge victory, someone gave him a whole pizza that was left over, so he accused me of seeing that person as well. I was constantly being accused of cheating because the 'hooded figures' told him I was. Eventually, he went on a religious bender where he told me demons and angels were speaking to him...he grabbed me by both arms and shook me...leaving handprints on me. Campus police contacted me about the incident, but I chose to not have him kicked off campus. I ended the relationship, and even a year later, he was still hacking my social media. By that time, I had a new boyfriend, and I was yet again accused of cheating with the new guy. I mean, we broke up a year ago; I'm not cheating."
—Anonymous
18. "About 50 years ago, I was bartending in Miami Beach and was dating a lifeguard at the hotel where I worked. He was cute and fun and really sweet — I was infatuated. I left for a few weeks to visit my parents in WV. When I got back, he was just gone, and nobody seemed to know where he was. Then I heard a rumor that he had flipped out one night and raped one of the hotel guests and had been arrested! I couldn't believe that was true as he had never shown one bit of aggressive behavior in the six months we'd been dating — but he was gone, and I never could locate him. Then about a year later, there was a press conference on the local TV evening news with a bunch of sex offenders from the Pembroke Pines Mental Hospital, and guess who was their spokesperson?!! My lifeguard ex-bf! So then I knew that's where he'd been (and apparently still was)."
—Anonymous
19. "My ex would tell anyone and everyone I was bipolar. And even though I'm a full-grown adult, he wouldn't let me see the doctor alone, and he tried to get me heavily medicated despite her telling him I wasn't showing any signs, and she couldn't just write me a script for a random medication. When that didn't work, he wanted to have me locked away in a mental hospital. He said I was acting like his brother who is, in fact, bipolar, and I was trying to hurt and kill myself. Which eventually led to an involuntary admittance for a few weeks. My brother came and rescued me from that place and him. And all of this was after I packed up my life for him and moved about three hours away from where I lived. And for the record, I am not bipolar."
20. "Left my ex eight years ago…for the last five years, he has done everything he can to destroy my reputation, from contacting authorities on a regular basis to telling the world I am a stalker at any chance he gets. He spent this spring waiting for me outside of my place of business and posts about me a few times a month. Last I was told, I’m his profile picture on FB. So yeah, I’m definitely the stalker here. Luckily, the last time he called the police, they assured him he would be charged with mischief if he continued the ‘gaslighting convention’ of me. Fun times, those exes are…"
21. "My ex is from the 11th grade. I haven't seen him in, like, 25 years, but I suddenly started finding messages from him in my message requests on Facebook last year. He clearly has mental health issues. He talks a lot about the Terminator movies and sends me long lists of various music and movies sorted by categories. Like extremely looooooong lists. Lots of lists. Lists upon lists. (Maybe someone here knows something about this? It's clearly a side effect or symptom of something.) I have never acknowledged or replied."
22. "I had low self confidence, and this guy decided we were dating so I just went with it. We worked side by side on a campaign for little over a year. In the final haul of this strange relationship, we take a trip to see his grandma in Texas. His mom was going to stay a few extra days longer so we took her truck from the parking lot. This guy starts messing around with the stuff in her center console. Finds this little spray can called 'spit fire.' Thinking it’s his mom’s perfume (why did he want me to smell like his mom?), HE SPRAYS ME WITH IT!!! Mace. He maced me."
23. "Not me but my close friend. She was madly in love with a handsome man. He ended up stealing from her and disappeared. Several years later, she saw him on the news; he had murdered his wife of a few months just to see if he could get away with it. He didn't; he's on death row in San Quentin. Also scary was the fact that we spent a day boating with him and camped together overnight."
—Anonymous
24. "Dated a guy for a few months in high school who really wasn’t very kind to me. My dad called me at work, like, seven times a couple weeks ago and told me to look at the news in our town…ex’s older brother stabbed their dad to death in his bedroom."
25. "I bought my ex-girlfriend a brand new Xbox 360 for Christmas. She left me for a guy she met on Call of Duty."
26. "We were lightly (and I mean lightly, this was freshman year, so we were all in the business of bed hopping) involved for about a week, upon which he ended things to pursue another girl, whom I always assumed to be his then-girlfriend. Years later, I found out that the girl after me was not his girlfriend, and that he was triple timing us, making me the other, OTHER woman. He also wrote/posted bad Instagram poetry about me, and to this day, still has a Spotify playlist dedicated to my name on his public profile. Last I heard, he'd dropped out of school and was reading nihilistic philosophy in the Pacific Northwestern wilderness. Dodged a nuclear missile, imo."
—Anonymous
27. "About a week into dating, he kept leaving me creepy things in my Truth Box (Myspace, ftw) telling me that he wanted to possess any sicknesses I had in his own body because it would be a privilege to carry something in his blood that was once in mine. And no, it was not anonymous. Yup."
28. And finally... "I met a very pretty girl at a They Might Be Giants concert, and we started dating for a few months. The sex was wild, but other issues going on led me to break up with her. ... We had gone out to lunch to talk about it, and she freaked the fuck out...started to cause a scene so I decided it was best if I just left. Apparently, she thought she could change my mind by driving around every side street till she found me and tried to run me down with her car. Multiple times. I never ran so hard in my life. I eventually wound up hiding in a sewer pipe under a bridge for two hours till I had hoped she'd given up. Haven't heard from her since."
What's your wildest ex story? Let us know in the comments or via this anonymous form and you could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post.
Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.