16 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Labor And Postpartum, Now That I'm Almost A Year Into Motherhood

    "These are the stories that were being played and replayed in my mind throughout my pregnancy, but the reality was so different."

    Hannah Loewentheil
    by Hannah Loewentheil

    BuzzFeed Staff

    Hi, I'm Hannah. Last June, I had my first baby, a girl named Eleanor. I cannot believe she is almost a year old. This past year has been the fastest and the slowest of my life, and there have been so many moments I've felt overjoyed, overwhelmed, overtired, and everything in between.

    Woman and baby sitting on a blanket outdoors surrounded by floating soap bubbles
    Hannah Loewentheil

    One thing I can say for certain is that labor and postpartum come with many surprises. So whether you're a fellow parent, expecting a baby, or just thinking about maybe having kids someday, here are some of the aspects of having a child that I wish someone had told me a year ago.

    And one more thing: I know this can be a difficult subject matter, whether you are struggling to conceive, experiencing postpartum depression, or anything of the sort. Please skip this post if reading this type of content is not helpful for you right now, and know I'm sending you love and support.

    1. That my body still wouldn't really feel like mine for months.

    Mother sitting on a park bench, feeding an infant covered with a blanket, next to a stroller with a small dog inside
    Hannah Loewentheil

    I always thought that I'd have my baby and my body would all of a sudden become mine again. But in reality, after giving my body to another human for 40 weeks, it took months for it to actually feel like it belonged to me. This was most drastic in the first month or so. I would reach for my postpartum belly expecting movement and kicks, or I'd wake up in the middle of the night because my boobs were hard as rocks. Little by little, month by month, my body felt more normal and less like a home for someone else.

    2. That I would feel like life might never be normal again, but normalcy *does* return.

    Woman in a striped top using a breast pump and holding a wine glass
    Hannah Loewentheil

    I won't lie to you: Life with a baby doesn't return to exactly how it was before. But some semblance of normalcy does return. It trickles in little by little. I cook dinner again without worrying that Ellie will wake up crying five times before 8 p.m; my husband and I go out for date nights (no longer impromptu, but we find ways to carve out time to ourselves; we took two international family trips (more on this later, but way easier than I ever expected). Of course, everything has changed since having a baby, so "normal" is a sort of new normal, but I no longer feel like a stranger in my own life. In fact, I like this life even better than the one that came before. 

    3. That after reading and hearing so many horror stories about delivery, labor, in my case, would be so much easier than expected.

    Person in hospital bed with IV, holding something in mouth
    Hannah Loewentheil

    I think that we hear a lot of horror stories about childbirth, and let's be real, many women do have very serious complications and traumatizing experiences. These stories were replayed in my mind throughout my pregnancy. But for me, labor was not the horrific experience I always believed it would be. 

    My labor was very easy and painless. I loved my OB and trusted her 100%. I was induced, and I got an epidural right away and hardly felt a bad contraction. I had a relatively quick labor; I pushed for a short period of time, and then my baby was on my chest, and it was all surreal. 10/10 would do it again. Of course, everyone's birth story is different, and if I have future babies, those deliveries very well might be more complicated. But this is all just to say that I wish I didn't fear the unknown so much. If you're pregnant or thinking about getting pregnant and afraid of giving birth, I hope that my experience makes you feel a little bit more at ease going into it.

    4. That my boobs would change...a lot.

    Woman smiling at camera holding a sleeping baby in a onesie, with "Jessica" necklace, indoors by a window
    Hannah Loewentheil

    One of the first "pregnancy symptoms" I experienced was that my boobs got bigger. By the third trimester, I thought they couldn't possibly get bigger. Then my milk came in, and holy cow (pun intended). And finally, once I was done breastfeeding, they deflated a bit, which is where we are now. Also, your nipples will totally change color and shape throughout pregnancy and postpartum. If your boobs ever go back to their pre-pregnancy shape and size, God bless you!

    5. That the night sweats would last months.

    Person in bed with a pillow over their head, wearing a sleeveless top, lying on a rumpled bedsheet
    Vincent Besnault / Getty Images

    I heard people talk about postpartum night sweats, and I expected to have the occasional hot flashes, but my night sweats did not get better after just a few weeks. Rather, they lasted months (in fact, they didn't go away until I stopped breastfeeding six months postpartum). 

    Our bodies go through some pretty intense hormonal changes postpartum, and night sweats are just one manifestation of that. I would wake up at 2 a.m., and my bedsheet would quite literally be wet from sweat. It was unpleasant and annoying and made for many extra loads of laundry. Ultimately (and thankfully), they did go away, but I will not miss this aspect of postpartum life.

    6. That my hair would change drastically.

    Person combing hair with a brush, seated at a desk, facing away from the camera
    Cicy / Getty Images

    Just like pregnancy/postpartum is a rollercoaster ride for your emotions, it is also a journey for your hair. I usually have fairly thin hair, but during my pregnancy, I couldn't believe how thick and luscious my hair became (thanks, Ritual prenatal vitamins!) After having Ellie, I started taking Nutrafol postpartum pills, and my thick hair remained. I thought I'd somehow overcome the dreaded postpartum hair loss. Then suddenly, around the four-month mark, a switch flipped. I started shedding intensely, and I noticed my hair getting thinner. This persisted for about two months while my husband cleaned out the shower drain very often. Now, at almost a year postpartum, I've noticed lots of hair growth and a newfound thickness that I never had pre-baby. Who knows what's in store next for my hair journey? All I know is that pregnancy and postpartum have taken it for a wild ride.

    7. That I'd feel stronger postpartum than I ever did before.

    Woman holding a sleeping baby in a carrier, with an ice cream cone in her hand
    Hannah Loewentheil

    If you've never had a baby and you're reading this, you might be thinking this all sounds absolutely horrible. But the truth is — it's really not! Despite the physical challenges of postpartum, there have also been some pleasant surprises. For one, I feel incredibly strong in my postpartum body, both physically and mentally. 

    Personally, knowing that I carried a human in my body for nine months and then birthed a baby has made me feel like I can do anything. And physically, I feel like I'm stronger than I've ever been. This probably has to do with the fact that I now carry around a 20-pound weight who cries when I put her down. But regardless, motherhood came with some newfound strength I never knew I had. 

    8. That I would bleed a lot in the first weeks postpartum.

    Hands holding an adult incontinence underwear against a blue background
    Fotoduets / Getty Images

    I spent most of my energy focusing on labor and didn't worry much about what would come after. So, while I had bought the adult diapers, the cooling pads, the peri bottle, and all of the postpartum care things, I hadn't really thought about it.  Turns out, you bleed a lot postpartum, and it's not just like a lingering period. The hospital nurse warned me I would bleed for a few weeks, and I would also pass some blood clots. "And don't worry about them unless they're larger than the size of a fist." As a squeamish person who faints at the sight of blood, I was terrified of this. For the next three-ish weeks, I wore my adult diapers and did, in fact, bleed quite a bit. One day, the bleeding stopped, and I thought I was in the clear, and the next, it was like a scene from a horror movie. This was a very good reminder that labor is no joke!

    9. That sex would hurt...for a while.

    Scene from a film with a man and woman lying in bed, expressions suggest an awkward situation
    Apatow Productions

    About six weeks after you have a baby, you go back to your doctor for a postpartum check, and if everything looks good, you're cleared to work out and have sex. But as it turns out, your body doesn't just return to normal after six short weeks. For me (and for many of my friends who have had babies), sex hurts or is very uncomfortable for a while postpartum. Between pelvic floor complications, hormones, lack of sleep, and so many more factors, it can take months for sex to feel even somewhat normal again. I wish that I had known this before I went to my OB nine weeks postpartum, wondering what was wrong with me. 

    10. That having a baby would challenge my relationship with my husband.

    Family portrait with two adults, a baby, and a dog, lounging together and smiling
    Hannah Loewentheil

    One of my best friends, who had a baby a few months before I did, warned me: "You're going to think you want a divorce many times in the first few months, but just remember that's because you are both sleep-deprived." Truer words have never been spoken. I threatened to divorce and murder my husband on multiple occasions (once because he accidentally ordered our sushi to the wrong address when I was starving, once because our dog was giving him more attention than he was giving me, once because he spilled two ounces of breastmilk, etc.). While this might sound comical in retrospect, having a baby can be (and probably will be) stressful on your relationship! There are so many changes happening at once: a drastic shift in priorities, so many hormones, and so much sleep deprivation. 

    In my mind, I thought having a baby would be this completely magical time where my husband and I would be more in love than ever before, in total bliss with this human we created together. And at times it was...and at times it was the opposite! I love my husband more than ever before and adore watching him be a father, but there have been moments where I also wanted to SCREAM at him. Now, I see that these postpartum marital stresses are normal and to be expected, but I wasn't prepared for them. 

    11. That parenthood would come with lots of anxiety and constant worrying.

    Woman holds baby, both facing the sea. She's in a sleeveless dress; the baby in a onesie. They stand on a sandy beach
    Hannah Loewentheil

    Anyone who has been pregnant, especially for the first time, can attest to the fact that it is an exercise in worrying. Before every doctor's appointment and every scan, there's this fear of what if?... And then you have the baby, and the worrying never, ever, ever ends. 

    Postpartum fear is a different kind of fear. It has a face to it, and it's tangible. I can watch her on a baby monitor while she sleeps. I can stroke her hair, kiss her cheeks, and feel the temperature of her forehead. But it's everpresent. And while I'm only about a year in, my parents have warned me that they've been experiencing the feeling for almost 32 years. Maybe this comes as no surprise, but until I brought Ellie home from the hospital, I didn't realize how having a baby comes with a whole new set of fears and anxieties that are constantly changing. 

    12. That after-birth contractions are a thing.

    Newborn baby with hospital ID band holding an adult's finger, wrapped in a striped blanket
    Shestock / Getty Images/Tetra images RF

    The contractions I felt while breastfeeding Ellie in the first few days of her life were more painful than anything I experienced during actual labor. At the hospital, I learned that your body releases a hormone called oxytocin in the first few days of breastfeeding. This same hormone also causes your uterus to shrink to its normal size. Who knew!? Anyway, the female body is pretty wild. 

    13. That it would be really difficult to get minor, everyday tasks done for a while.

    Open washing machine with a mix of laundry items inside
    Kinga Krzeminska / Getty Images

    I am usually a pretty productive person, and I like to get things done. So, in the first few months postpartum, I was stunned by my inability to complete even the most mundane of tasks. Things like doing the laundry, making lunch, or writing thank-you notes felt like mountains to climb, especially with the background noise of a crying baby who didn't like to sleep anywhere but on me. On top of that, I felt like my brain was stuck in a deep fog. I was overwhelmed, and I wondered if life would always feel so hard from this point on. Spoiler alert: It gets easier!

    14. That my hormones would go pretty wild when I stopped breastfeeding.

    Woman with a tearful expression, close-up selfie, wearing a necklace and polka dot top
    Hannah Loewentheil

    I felt manic the week I started weaning. I couldn't wait to stop breastfeeding and have my boobs back, but I would also cry the last few times I nursed Ellie because I knew I would miss this weird, animalistic connection. My face broke out in pimples. Weaning was physically way easier than I anticipated. I did it gradually, and I felt very little physical discomfort. But it was really intense emotionally. That is all!

    15. That I'd have a huge amount of new respect for my own mother (and all mothers).

    Child in a hooded polka-dot top sits on an adult's shoulders, both looking away contemplatively
    Or Images / Getty Images

    I've always loved my mother. In fact, we're about as close as a mother and daughter can be. But good lord. I have never respected her more than I do since becoming a mother. Now, I call her often just to apologize for random things I did as a child. Being a mom is the most rewarding job I've ever had, but it's also the most challenging job. It's quite literally around the clock, and there are no days off, and kids can be really difficult (and mine can't even talk yet!). Moms (especially mine): You are all warriors.  

    16. That it would be the most fun I've ever had.

    Woman holding a child, both looking at a rainbow over a beach landscape
    Hannah Loewentheil

    I'd be lying if I said the first year wasn't challenging. But it has been incredible, too, and it just keeps getting better.

    Now that I've told you about my experience, I'd love to hear from you. What were some things about labor, postpartum, or parenthood that you were surprised by? What are the things you wish someone had told you sooner? Tell me in the comments or add your thoughts to this anonymous form.