"My Pediatrician Once Told Me This And It Stuck With Me Forever": People Are Sharing The Most Impactful Parenting Advice That All First-Time Parents Need To Hear
"Avoiding using those words when your child does something wrong. It's a small difference but it expresses that your love is unconditional and not based on their behavior."
I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my first kid, and I have pretty much everything to learn about being a parent. But if there's one thing I know already, it's that everyone raises kids differently. There's no one-size-fits-all model for parenting, but people have plenty of advice to share that works for them.
1."Don't tiptoe around your sleeping baby. My daughter was very sick for the first two years of her life, but unless she was having a particularly bad day we had normal activity in the house. I would vacuum around her bassinet and she'd be out like a light! Because of this, she can still sleep through almost anything. Life isn't going to be quiet when the baby is needing sleep, and you will not regret letting them learn to sleep with average noise going on around them."
2."I cannot stress enough how important it is to have a routine. It's crucial when they’re infants to set that routine and expectation so they start to develop a 'norm,' but it's even more vital when they become toddlers. Everything from nap time to eating habits and designated TV/electronics time are all about routine. Kids feel calm when they know what to expect, so you can avoid meltdowns and plan your day, meals, and personal time around that. Of course, you always want to remain flexible because things are constantly evolving and changing. I always have time 'windows' rather than a set time for something. It’s all trial and error and every kid has different needs plus good days and bad days, so don’t beat yourself up over the tough ones."
3."The best thing you can give your baby is a healthy, happy mama. Not breast is best, not bottle is best, not stay at home is best, day care is best. Do what you need to do in order to be the best version of yourself."
4."Do night feeds in the dark. They’ll get the hang of night and day a bit quicker and you will get your own much needed sleep!"
5."Avoiding using the words 'I love you but...' when your child does something wrong. Instead, say 'I love you and...' It's a small difference but it expresses that your love is unconditional and not based on their behavior."
6."Learn to apologize to your kids. It lets them know that you’re just a person who is also learning, and it empowers them to learn from mistakes. You apologizing teaches them to manage their own big feelings and find coping mechanisms as you’re finding your own. Many of us aren’t only parenting, we are also re-parenting ourselves."
7."My pediatrician told me, 'if you can hear them crying they're still breathing, and it's OK to step out of the room for a minute or two.' I have had some mommy-shaming for holding onto this belief. Don't let anyone fool you: your baby won't be scarred for life if he/she cries alone for five minutes."
8."Postpartum depression and anxiety are nothing to be ashamed of. Ask for help sooner rather than later. And remember that dads can suffer from this stuff, too."
9."Wait until your baby is born to buy bulk items. Every baby has his/her preferences for bottles, pacifiers, teething toys, and more. I thought my baby would love pacifiers since all babies I knew used them, but when he ended up wanting nothing to do with them. I also bought tons of different bottle brands and he preferred only the Philips Avent kind. All the other bottles I bought ended up being useless."
10."Take the time to tell your significant other that they are doing a great job. They need to hear it."
11."If you get overwhelmed, the baby won't stop crying, and there is nobody there to help out (and so long as the baby is fed, clothed, clean, etc…) it's OK to put him or her in a safe place and walk away for a few minutes. A baby is much safer in his crib than he would be in the arms of someone who is approaching a breaking point. Take some deep breaths, calm yourself down, then go back to care for your kid."
12.Raise your kids based on YOUR standards, not on those set by society or other people. Screen time? That's your decision. Same with giving the kids sweets at night or letting them stay up past their bedtime."
13."Recognize that your toddlers are human beings with real feelings. I think we often expect our toddlers to deal or cope in situations with emotional maturity when they simply aren't capable of it yet."
14."It’s OK to ask for help and to take a break. You are not infallible nor should you be. Wanting some time away from the baby does not make you a bad mother. On the contrary, you understand that your own well-being is extremely important for your baby’s sake."
15."A fed baby is a happy baby. Breast feeding is so hard, so don't beat yourself up if you can't or don't want to do it."
16."Seek out second-hand items as much as you can. Not only will you save a lot of money (babies are expensive), but there's no guarantee that your baby is going to like or use what you buy. You may have to try several varieties of a specific baby item before landing on one that works. Plus babies use things for such a short amount of time. Used items are still likely in good condition (especially clothes). I found local parent Facebook groups to be a treasure trove, and then I happily pass along the items to others when I'm done with them."
17."Don’t lose yourself in parenthood. Rather, allow yourself to evolve. Even though parenthood will take up a large part or your life, you will need to know yourself in the moments of quiet that happen between colic and college. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes in the most selfless venture you are undertaking, which is parenthood."
18."You really may not end up using, needing, or wanting all the cool, high-tech baby gadgets and gear. In my experience, sometimes keeping it old school works best."
19."Don’t compare yourself and your baby to others. Every baby is very different. What works for you works for you, and it doesn’t matter what others are doing."
20."The swaddle that worked for your neighbor down the street to the right is different than the swaddle that worked for your neighbor to the left. Both are different than the one that will work for your baby. Apply that to everything forever."
21."Read to your kid before they go to bed. It can literally be anything, not necessarily a kid's book. Reading to them will allow them to spend more time with you and improve their reading skills, and they'll remember these moments when they're older."
22."Look into hiring a postpartum doula. They are very knowledgeable and can help with more than just the baby. I was so scared to take care of my baby because I didn't know what I was doing. My doula taught me a lot and was there to hold my hand when I needed support."
23."Make sure you are meeting your own needs first. You can't do a good job at parenting if you're totally frazzled from being on-call 24/7. Take breaks when you need them."
24."Accept help when someone offers it to you, whether they're offering to watch the baby so you can sleep or shower or bringing you some cooked food. Say yes. You can't do it alone."
25."Treat your children like small people because that’s what they are. My daughter and I have a great relationship because I treated her with the respect she deserved."
26."My mom always told me that going to bed feeling like you failed at being a good parent in some way every day is a good sign you are doing it right. You will always worry about infinite things. But caring enough to do so means a lot."
27."Encourage toddlers to help with chores as soon as possible. It helps them build a habit of being responsible, helpful, and participating members of the family. It also builds confidence and independence and keeps them busy, engaged, and learning."
28."Beer koozies fit most sippy cups. It's a nice way to at least lighten the blow when your toddler chucks a cup across the room."
29."Kids are not assholes. They're little people with huge feelings, limited communication skills, poor impulse control, and little experience processing those feelings. Helping them learn the skills to express their emotions is our job as parents."
So parents, what do you want to add? What's your best piece of advice for first-time parents — something you wish you learned sooner or a tip that really changed the game for you? Tell me in the comments!
