Reddit user u/Few-Strength5065 posed the question: "Men of Reddit, what shouldn't men be judged for doing?" The thread quickly filled with men honestly opening up about the things they wish they could do without fear of judgment. As a woman who often writes from my feminine perspective, it was interesting to read so many of these responses and understand some of the challenges men face in society. Here's what they shared:
1. "Not knowing how to fix or do something. I'm not a car mechanic. I'm not a broadband engineer. I'm not a builder/sparky/plumber. If I don't know how to do something, I'm not less of a person for acknowledging a gap in my knowledge or understanding."
2. "Being affectionate with people other than partners and maybe family members. I'll never understand why physical touch is romanticized."
3. "Having female friends."
"My best friend is a woman. She's literally saved my life, and every way I've bettered myself was in part because she was behind me pushing me to be a better human. She's one of the most important people in my life, and I couldn't be with someone who was ever jealous of her place in it. We would make a horrible couple."
"I’m close friends with a few girls, particularly closer with one of them. Every time we go out to bars and run into people we know, they ask how long we’ve been together, then act like it’s weird we hang out a lot but don’t date. Like, we’re great friends, but there’s no way we would ever work in a relationship, and that’s fine because we’re both on the same page."
4. "Being the one who takes care of kids in a relationship or makes less money than their partner."
"Being a parent. Any time a dad is out alone with his kids, other people always ask if he's on babysitting duty. It's not called babysitting; it's called being a parent."
5. "Opening up about their emotions. Being a man can be so lonely. If you're struggling, don't be afraid."
6. "Maybe a minor one, but watching certain movies. Growing up, I was always taught that certain things were just for girls. I’m 29 and just watched Charlie’s Angels for the first time a month ago, and I’m honestly mad at what could’ve been a pretty formative movie. When I was 14 or so, my uncle was trying to ask my cousin and me which movie we wanted to rent for the evening. It came down to Catwoman or The Scorpion King, and my cousin chose Catwoman, only for my uncle to say, 'That’s gay.' My cousin replied: 'How is you wanting to watch The Rock shirtless and oiled up not gay, but me wanting to watch Halle Berry in a skintight leather catsuit is?'"
7. "Being content with enough."
"'You're not going to work to provide my daughter everything she wants?' That comment literally came out of my MIL's mouth while I'm absolutely financially supporting her daughter. It's because of a comment I made where I said that buying a house with a pool is probably going to be out of our price range unless my partner wants to go back to work to save up her money for a pool. I'll pay for the pool if I get everything I WANT also. But, nobody's going to go to work to give me everything I want. Hell, I'd settle for someone giving me most of what I want. Or, even paying for my McDonald's once a month. A man can dream!"
"This! My brothers and I didn't have much growing up. We were determined to pull ourselves out of poverty, and we did it with education and hard work. I used to want to become a millionaire, but I eventually realized that it wasn't worth the effort and that I just wanted to be comfortable. My brothers, on the other hand, never let go of the dream of wanting to become super wealthy. Despite already accumulating a lot of assets, they still overwork themselves because they want more. This mindset that men are only worth as much as what they can bring home is incredibly toxic, because it will never be enough."
8. "Taking the day off. You aren’t a robot. Sometimes, everyone needs a break."
9. "Needing help. I recently had one of the biggest breakdowns of my life from internalized trauma and self hate. It took that and the pushing of some friends before I even considered getting therapy. It hurt myself and a lot of folks. If you are hurting, it's OK to go and get help. It's hard really hard, but it'll be worth it."
10. "Not fitting into, or not having an interest in typical 'manly' hobbies and interests. We should be encouraging everyone to pursue and commit to whatever endeavors leave them feeling happy and fulfilled (provided those endeavors aren't at the expense of others), regardless of what they may be."
"Not being interested in sports."
"Facts! This and cars honestly. I'm not a car guy or a sports guy, and it almost immediately kills any conversation with a fellow male stranger once they start talking about either thing. I just tell them I don't watch or don't know about these topics. It's like that's the only thing they can talk about. There's more to life, fellas!"
11. "Owning sex toys. It's a bizarre double standard."
12. "Mani-pedis. They can take it out of my cold, massaged, trimmed, clean, dead hands."
13. "Playing. I bust my butt at work and save money so I can then play. That might be video games, a sport, building random stuff in a workshop, etc., but, whatever it is, let a bro have his hobbies/playtime. See a 30-year-old playing Pokémon? Good, leave him alone and let him have his fun."
14. "Having empty apartments. As much as it’s nice to have decorations in a house, I don’t care about it. As long as my house is clean and I am comfortable in it, then I have the essentials. My girlfriend is the only reason our house is decorated."
15. "Don't judge us for the music we like. Like, if I'm singing along to BTS in my car, join in the singing or mind your own business."
16. "Sitting down to pee."
"Yup. At 53, I have found the bladder empties better, no post-dribble, and my wife and two daughters enjoy the fact that they won’t be going for a midnight dip, courtesy of dear, old dad. Plus, during the inevitable 3:00 a.m. pee, I can leave the lights off and be certain of hitting my intended target."
17. "Wanting to be left alone. It’s not that we don’t want to spend time with our partners, but alone time is valuable. Sometimes, your man just wants a little time to himself, and there’s nothing wrong with that, or anything to read into."
18. "Shaving armpits. The odor control is fantastic!"
"I noticed that a friend did this and I thought it was weird at first. He said, 'Don’t knock it until you try it.' And hot damn, he was right. I’ve been doing it for 20 years. Every woman I’ve been with has appreciated it as well."
19. "Wearing 'female' clothes and being feminine in general."
"Being in touch with your feminine side, or liking 'feminine' things."
20. "Taking their full paternity leave, as permitted by their employer."
21. "Speaking up against harassment."
22. "Ordering fruity alcoholic drinks."
23. "Self-care? Asking for help? Getting support for problems they encounter?"
24. Finally: "Working or otherwise participating in female-dominated industries/careers/activities, such as serving, nursing, house cleaning, cooking, child-raising, getting manicures and wearing nail polish or any other cosmetic/beauty pursuits, displaying emotion/vulnerability (if done in a non-agressive way, for example crying or confiding in someone about something awkward or painful), not wanting a wife and/or kids completely irrespective to sexual and relationship orientation (i.e. gay/bi/pan or polyamorous vs. monogamous), not wanting or being able to excel at physical tasks, not earning great amounts of money in a high-powered job, not being competitive or possessive, not punching down or trying to dominate others physically/verbally/mentally, etc."
All very understandable points! Men, are there other things you'd like to add?
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.