Reddit user u/MrRandyWatson_100 posed the question: "Redditors who have had a threesome with their S.O., how did the relationship turn out after sex?" The thread quickly filled with dozens of stories, perspectives, and lessons. Here's what people shared:
1. "All of the threesomes have gone quite lovely, as have the foursomes. I'm lucky to have found a true life partner where we both view these things the same way. There's nothing more exhilarating than shared sexual experiences. The most beautiful part is they have given my bisexual wife an outlet to be with women in a way she was not confident enough to explore in her youth. Don't limit yourself, folks. Life is beautiful."
2. "You don't have a threesome to fix a problem. Same goes for being poly or anything else. These things can be amazing, but they will surely destroy everything in their path if you aren't healthy. I was the second guy in a MMF threesome, and only after did I learn she pushed him into it to have sex with me due to 'feelings.' It broke him badly and ruined our friendship. She said things to me that she never said to him, responded to me in ways she never did with him, etc. I was younger and didn't pay attention to the fact that he had pulled out of the encounter and only she and I were doing things. We had unprotected sex, while she always made him wear a condom. It was a terrible, terrible situation that I shudder to think about."
"I was the guy for two girls who were friends and curious, and that went great. No one had emotions. We were all friends for years that occasionally played. We also had great communication about boundaries and expectations. This led me to the kink community and really amazing special friendships through the years. I can't emphasize enough how you really need to communicate expectations and boundaries around things like protection, sexual positions, kissing, etc.
Threesomes amplify arousal, and the experience can be exhilarating, especially for women. A lot of men find the rush to be 'too stimulating.' Experience is your friend, and practice makes perfect. I've seen more good than bad threesomes, but when it's bad, it's brutal. I've been part of about 10 different groups where we did this, and three went bad. After my first go at it that ended horribly, I established a communication protocol for myself. Be prepared for jealousy, give your partner aftercare, and reinforce your bond soon after the event or even at the event. When you engage in that connection after, you'll never be stronger. If you don't, you'll never be weaker."
3. "The sex was fine. We invited a third for a fun night at a hotel with a jacuzzi and drinks. But, then the third person didn't leave, nor did they leave in the morning after breakfast. The next night after dinner, we literally had to ask him to leave so we could continue our vacation as a couple in privacy. It gave us a funny story to joke about for years, and didn't affect our relationship."
4. "I had a threesome with one of my close friends and her boyfriend of like five years (at the time). She wanted to surprise him, and boy did it work. It was fun! We ended up doing it a few more times. They’re still together and doing well, and my friendship with them has never changed. The only difference is now we have inside jokes and references together!"
5. "I (M) hooked up with a friend and his wife a few times. He originally proposed it as something she would enjoy, with both of us focusing our attention on her. She reluctantly went along with it, but quickly got way too into it for his comfort. He got jealous of all the attention she was getting, despite that being the point of the threesomes in the first place. Long story short, after many long, fruitless discussions and a few arguments, we finally got him to admit that he was in love with me. He wanted the threesome so that we (he and I) could have sex (despite us having had many conversations in the past about how I'm not that into men and he's definitely not my type) without him cheating or getting a divorce. We're no longer friends, they're divorced, and his ex-wife and I became really close friends for a few years."
6. "Having experienced numerous threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, and even sixsomes with my husband (I'm a woman), I can confidently say that they have been incredibly rewarding. I believe the primary reason for this success lies in the strength of our core. We have an unwavering understanding that we are deeply committed to each other, which distinguishes our connection from many others that have faltered. It's essential to have that unshakable core belief that your partner is firmly yours and won't be swayed by such experiences. A lot of group encounters fail because people haven't established a good core, which is paramount."
7. "I had a couple threesomes with my partner and his wife. They were OK, just not for me. While they were up for more, they respected my boundaries when I wasn't interested in another. His wife and I stuck to just friendly hang outs after that while I continued my relationship with him. They're still married, but I broke up with him two years later for unrelated reasons. The second time I ever tried it was with a unicorn-hunting married couple and it was terrible. It's like I was just an object to fuel their mutual jealousy and resentment. I quit during and let them continue without me while I played video games in the living room. They fought a lot and eventually got divorced. The threesome was kind of just a death knell for them. Unicorn hunting is creepy."
"Another time, I did it with my partner and another friend. That time was fun, but still not something I would pursue again. My partner and I later split after he had gotten a good job on the other side of the country. We're all still friends, but I don't join any threesomes anymore. IDK, I'm just not a threesome person, I guess. They're kinda boring."
8. "It destroyed our marriage. Well, the fact that he was sleeping with the girl he brought in behind my back was what truly did it."
9. "The threesome itself was great, and I'm actually kind of glad to have experienced it. But, my ex-boyfriend caught feelings for our third party. He kind of gave me an ultimatum that we become a triad relationship, or we break up. We actually tried to make it work, but the other woman and I just left him."
10. "We had a FFM threesome. It turned out fine. It was an experience, but the 'fantasy' is better than the reality. We both had fun, but also both agreed it's better one-on-one. I like giving someone my whole undivided attention, and I found that with another person, I was much too 'in my own head' trying to split my attention between the two. She said she found it overstimulating with too much going on and would rather have more intimacy. For those thinking about it, the key is just open communication. Set boundaries and expectations, and have a 'safe word' to put a stop to it if it becomes too uncomfortable. And, talk about it after. Really, the key to a good relationship, both physical and emotional, is open and honest communication."
11. "We’ve had many threesomes. Here’s a pro tip: If you bring another girl in, you have to do twice the work. If you bring another guy in, you only have to do half the work. Choose wisely."
12. "It was great! I was married before and I'm still married after. We have since left the 'lifestyle' and focus our time on each other/family. It was fun to spice things up, but it was too time consuming/stressful. It opened up a level of communication I never thought I would have with another person in this life. I'm freer to express my thought/feelings both on a sexual and non-sexual level than ever before. Word to the wise: The lifestyle works best for people who are mentally healthy and have a happy/stable relationship."
13. "We all went out to eat breakfast the next day, and it was just such a funny experience. We laughed and talked about how wild it was. Afterwards, my girlfriend was embarrassed and said she didn't want anything like that ever again. Then, it happened again (at her own insistence, with the same girl). Then, again. After the third time, I was pretty blown away that this could be a regular thing. After a while, things stopped and my girlfriend went back to being super embarrassed about it and liked to pretend it never happened."
14. "My S.O. brought her very close female friend over for a threesome as a Christmas present to me one year. I was really nervous, but they made me feel super comfortable and able to just enjoy the experience. I'm still with my S.O., and the friend is still is a friend. We just don't see her very much as she lives in a different country, but it's in no way awkward."
15. "The first few times were fun, but the aftermath almost broke us. We tried to start a throuple with the wrong person. She tried to get in between us and turned very passive aggressive toward my wife. Life circumstances around that time made it even harder. Let’s just say that when it rains, it pours. That almost broke us, but the fact that it didn’t break us made us stronger. We spent about five years scared to even mention polyamory to each other, but it came around again when the guy we had wanted as our fourth became single again and I told my wife to go for it. She did, and somehow that led to us having a five-person orgy with some friends one night. It was extra special because it way more about loving than sex. Now, we have a polycule and it’s the most beautiful thing ever. So yeah, our relationship is absolutely amazing after a threesome. It just took a while to shake off our terrible, traumatic experience with it."
"My sage advice: If you’re bringing someone in, you have to do it from a place of abundance rather than from a place of dissatisfaction. Another person isn’t going to fix anything, but it sure can be beautiful if you don’t need fixing."
16. "We’ve had about 10 different threesomes now. We feel closer every time. There’s something about seducing someone together that creates a connection on a whole other level for us. I understand that we may not be the norm, but that’s my experience."
17. "My ex and I originally decided to hook up with another couple at one point in our marriage. The girl was really into us and wanted to be our girlfriend for a bit. We also had another night with both her and her partner. However, she had a problem with boundaries and alcohol, and her other relationship was pretty toxic, so it didn't work out both times we attempted it. The really interesting thing was seeing how my partner loved on and interacted with another person. It honestly made me feel more connected and intimate with them in an entirely different light. Another plus was that we got a deeper exploration of each of our kinks and got to tag-team new experiences, so our own sex life improved afterwards. Our relationship ended up not working out for a myriad of reasons, but we still chat and keep up with one another."
18. "Afterward, I got up and went to work, and they had sex another time without me. When I got home, the third said she wanted to be with both of us. I wasn’t into that. I was pissed about the unspoken boundary violation of them having sex without me. We broke up, ex-girlfriend moved in with the third, and that was that. It was time anyway. My ex and I have now been lifelong best friends and the relationship is unbreakable, much to the discomfort of every woman I’ve dated since."
19. "We're still happily together five years later. To be fair, she had some anxiety immediately after. She felt the other girl was kind of 'hogging' me, but she felt unsure about speaking up during the fact. We're open to trying it again, but I'll definitely keep her prior issues in mind if we ever end up in one so she doesn't feel pushed aside. I'm also down for another dude to join, but the opportunity hasn't arisen yet."
20. "The only threesome I ever had was with a married couple. I was recently single when that happened and they were looking for a third. I didn’t really know what it meant at the time, but they treated me like royalty. It was honestly amazing. They bought me anything I wanted and spoiled me. But, there was one night we went out and the husband said something about me having a kid at the same time as his wife and creating a big family together. I eventually realized I was more into his wife and was a lesbian, so I said goodbye to them and am now happily married to a woman. It was a ride, though."
21. "We have done it regularly for years. My husband is bi, so it's for both of us. It brought us closer together for a few reasons. There's something about him being desired by others that makes me notice him more and feel more attracted to him, and vice versa. And, the sex once the other guy leaves is amazing. It's both a reclaiming and reminder of how good it is that we know how to please each other best after 14 years of practice. It's fun, and it's something to plan together and look forward to because we have to work around our kids and everyday lives. Plus, we have more sex in the days leading up to it. We talk about what will happen and get hot for it."
22. "It brought us closer together. We’ve done MFM and FFM threesomes, and for us, group sex is really more about thrill-seeking than it is about connection. Then, we go home and have reclamation sex. We always make time for reclamation sex when scheduling group sex. Also, Gatorade. Bring Gatorade. You’ll be a hero."
23. "My boyfriend and I had a threesome with a girl I worked with. She brought up that my boyfriend was cute and I joked about a threesome. Things developed from there. We had fun. I had never been with a girl, and I always had crushed on girls growing up, so it was extra hot for me. Afterwards, she moved to a town over and got married. Life went on, but I still totally want to do it again. I would only recommend it if you’re in a strong relationship."
24. "It was great! First thing's first: My wife and I talked about it for a long time and set a lot of ground rules so we both knew what to expect from each other. For example, I couldn't penetrate the other woman in the threesome (which I was totally fine with). And, we talked about different scenarios. We chose a mutual friend that we only see about once a year, so we didn't think it was going to be a big deal compared to doing it with a friend that we see very, very often. It was great! We had a lot of fun. Earlier this year, we went to an orgy while traveling abroad and had even more fun! She was incredibly nervous before, but I reassured her that it is us together, using other people as our 'play things.' We were a team, just like the threesome. It was her and me, then the other. Definitely recommend it only if you have 100% trust with your S.O. I honestly think being in such a committed relationship helps."
25. "I've had a mixed bag — some good experiences, and some bad. I think the worst part is that my S.O. and the third party usually took the threesome to mean that some barrier had been crossed and it was okay for them to have sex without me involved. It wasn't really, and I felt hurt. As I get older, I realize that while threesomes are a good thing to experience, I think it's not something I'd want to engage in in my current, secure relationship."
26. "My (ex) fiancée mentioned interest in a threesome. When asked FFM or MMF, she suggested we try both. I set up a MMF with my best friend, and it became pretty clear she wasn't interested in a threesome and just wanted new sex. I was pretty left out. It was a weird breakfast in the morning. When I brought up the FFM threesome, she then decided she no longer wanted to pursue that. We ended our engagement about two years later when I found out she was cheating on me. There was a whole parade of red flags that I ignored. I am still good friends with my bud."
27. Finally: "In 2009, I had a threesome with a boyfriend and a close (male) friend of both of ours. The friend, who I had known for six years at that point, and I had hooked up in the past. The threesome was fun. The relationship didn’t last. Fast forward to now: The 'friend' and I have been together for two and a half years, going on forever."
Lots of interesting perspectives! Bottom line: Have fun, be safe. 😈
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.