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23 Of The Funniest British Tweets Of July

"Do American McDonald’s have bouncers as well or are we just animals?


I saw this and thought Lloyd’s TSB were moving mad


I think teachers may be stealthily moving the displays around at my local supermarket...


No sometimes when I take my make up off I just laugh because I cannot believe what I’m getting away with


This looks like an advert for a film about a person who really hates stars.


Gonna take my horse to the Old Kent Road, I’m gonna goooo to the big Tesco


- “What The Pitta”. - Sorry? - “What The Pitta”. - Okay. How does that work? - Well, it’s a play on words. - What’s it a play on? - “What The Fuck”? - I’m not sure that’s what a play on words is. - Well, What would you call it? - I don’t know. “I Pitta The Fool”? - What?


Do you ever take the ice cube tray from the sink to the freezer and think thank god I'm not a brain surgeon



When I go to my mum’s room to say bye and she starts cussing out my outfit and makeup.


I remember when a guy who we were camping with at bestival asked if he could use my Grindr in 10 mins, so 10 mins later, when he came back to me, I said sure let me just log out, and then I found out he meant a weed grinder and that was the last time I spoke to a straight man.



shoutout to the goth spar in carmarthen 💀


Do American McDonald’s have bouncers aswell or are we just animals


If you leave a child in your car during this hot Glasgow weather please ensure a window is open so they can at least have a fag


you won boris. enjoy the job i hope it makes you happy. dear lord what a sad little life boris. you ruined my country so you could get the job. i hope you use the money on lessons in grace and decorum because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on.


The fact that a normal working class East End woman has been drafted in last minute to sort this country’s mess out is remarkable, she’s always been more than capable. Shirley Carter will take Downing Street by storm. A moment in history I’ll never forget


What the Soleros see when I open the freezer.


This Primark mannequin is accurately demonstrating how women wake up when they sleep in a strappy top


If your names Hannah and your boyfriend is flying to Magaluf with 5 lads from Manchester today, I’m sorry to break it to you but I’ve just overheard him and his mates clap as the plane landed


can’t afford it


David: plays a secret chord The lord:


UK guys at house parties be like ‘bro this song is on fifa 13!’