1.
Can u imagine getting married and having a family and staying in love until u die, then waiting in the afterlife for your wife to join you and she finally dies and ditches u for a dude she knew for three days on a boat instead?? Anyway I’d give Titanic a 9/10
2.
Some fella was stood in front of the fridge in work an I went sorry can I just get in that fridge a sec an he said “there’s no chance ur fitting in there” Hahahahahahah
3.
4.
HELP HOW DO I REPORT AN ESCAPED MONKEY TO IPLAYER
5.
Just bought a box of 12 doughnuts from Greggs for my work and the bird asked if I’m sitting in or taking away 😭😭
6.
This is possibly the most 'my dad' thing ever. He just called my sister to say he looked at her roof on Google earth and can see the gutters on both sides and they're probably blocked 😂
7.
Why does tommy look like a vampire? https://t.co/ifMsqIskO7
8.
oh I loved her in Fleabag https://t.co/zzszGZ8I9I
9.
Find out what John Lewis ad soundtrack you’d be by taking the song that was number 1 on your 8th birthday and adding it to the artist who was number 1 on your birthday in 2017. Mine is Tragedy (Steps version) by Ed Sheeran.
10.
Bring Charles Dickens back from the dead so I can look him in the eye and say it was the Muppets who elevated his work to high art
11.
I think Banksy should stop doing art when Louis Walsh dies just to make people wonder
12.
find it so weird when boys on tinder ask ‘what’s someone like u doing on this then?’ Funny u should ask that sean I’m actually trying to get a team together for five a sides
13.
karl marx lived so we could buy £2.90 smoothies in our £3 meal deal
14.
It’s not looking good for me because I played the donkey one year
15.
If you're ever embarrassed, just remember, i told my GP i had morning sickness once. I was being dead SERIOUS too. For a long time i thought 'morning sickness' was being sick in the morning, until i was told its to do with pregnancy. Thats an L i had to firm
16.
i cannot believe what i've just watched