1.
If you're ever embarrassed, just remember, i told my GP i had morning sickness once. I was being dead SERIOUS too. For a long time i thought 'morning sickness' was being sick in the morning, until i was told its to do with pregnancy. Thats an L i had to firm
2.
Just bought a box of 12 doughnuts from Greggs for my work and the bird asked if I’m sitting in or taking away 😭😭
3.
I could get hit by a bus and die and my mum would blame my death on the lip filler I got 7 months ago
4.
Most people drunk text their ex or someone they fancy.... Not me.... What the actual fuck was going through my drunken mind 😂😂😂
5.
I was getting ready today and took a photo of my hair to show a friend, and realised after I hit send that my bare arse was shown because of the angle I took the pic. So yeah, today I sent accidentally sent a nude to someone.
6.
It’s me everyweek
7.
I’m still creasing at when a guy asked me for directions at Westfield, saw that I was wearing Nike trainers with Adidas joggers, and said “you’re obviously lost in your own life, I’ll figure this one out on my own” and left 😭😭😭
8.
walking into my room and throwing my cup of tea on the bed instead of my phone just sums my life up really
9.
When you're on a school trip but haven't got a partner so you just walk near people
10.
british culture is singing along to the backing guitars as if its lyrics
11.
*stubs out cigarette* Well, student finance england, where do i begin?
12.
Hate these wee pricks , actual sit on yer plate n laugh at ye cos yer dinner is shite
13.
When you spill your sports direct mug.
14.
Would be nice if the clocks went back about 10 years so I could sort my life out
15.
please i am so lonely
16.
oh aye course i wanna smell like a courteeners gig https://t.co/MI5HKs3BaC
17.
you know how UK fashion brands sell t-shirts with like “chicago” and “phoenix” and “ ILLINOIS” printed on them do you reckon US brands sell clothes with like “W I G A N” and “𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓾𝓽𝓱” on or what
18.
no millennial has all 5 - savings - their own place - zero mental illness - a complete understanding of what happened in the movie ‘inception’ - a healthy relationship with alcohol
19.
Imagine coming to wetherspoons dressed as one of the plates...
20.
other people wearing double denim: - cool - 90s vibes me wearing double denim: - young farm boy with a secret - passion for manure - yee in the streets, haw in the sheets
21.
Was so bloated on the plane home from Ibiza the girl next to me asked me when I was due so I just went along with it and said oh March to save her the embarrassment and this bitch really had the audacity to say oh looks like it’s gonna be a big baby you’re not that far along🙃🙃
22.
1) that's the worst hing AV saw 2) that's ment to be me 3) THATS NO MA DATE OF BIRTH 4) that's Ma da's leg