I've always wondered what it is about Aussie boys that makes me feel like I'm having a one-sided conversation, so when I stumbled upon this Reddit thread about the subject, I was intrigued.
As a german-born Aussie who travels pretty frequently, I always wondered why creating connections with people (men) was so easy everywhere except the country I live in. Turns out, I'm not the only one who's picked up on this.
Reddit user u/ptothekyall asked, "Is it just me, or do Aussie blokes not ask any/many questions?"
"The first thing to say is that I've been in Oz for seven years, I'm English, a naturalised Australian and married to an Aussie — with Aussie kids. I love this country and the people and I'm proud to call it home."
"The thing is," she continues, "I find Aussie men (on the whole) quite difficult to engage in conversation, because they don't seem to ask any questions."
"They're generally happy to talk, but I find that I'm often doing the heavy lifting in a conversation and that if I don't ask questions, the conversations grind to a halt. I'm always friendly and respectful, I'm not loud or outspoken and I've lived all over the world and never had an issue with chatting to people.
Not all blokes are like this, of course, I've got some amazing Aussie mates, but they seem to be the exception in terms of holding a conversation. Aussie women I've always found are great conversationalist, no issues.
Is this just me or has anyone else noticed this?"
1. Here are the most insightful responses:
"Accurate. After me and my mate catch up, my partner's like:
Partner: "How's Dan?"
Me: "Good."
Partner: "How's uni going?"
Me: "Dunno."
Partner: "How's his work going?"
Me: "Dunno."
Partner: "Do you know anything?"
Me: "No."
We'll talk and talk and talk. There's no shortage of conversation. But we just talk shit from start to finish. We really don't ask about each other's lives. If it's relevant, we'll bring it up ourselves, but that's about it."
—u/kazwebno
2. "Entirely depends who you talk to. Truth be told, your account rings true for a lot of Aussie blokes."
"But then plenty are also inquisitive, thoughtful and decent conversationalists. You might just need to try chatting with different people."
3. "It's because we worry it might turn to cricket and we'd have to put up with being told valid dismissals are not out, that we are morally corrupt and must play within England's spirit of cricket as it suits them on the given day, and that our wins were actually losses. Only joking."
—u/tilitarian1
4. "Aussie girl here. And yeah, I can see where you're coming from. Does it apply to all Aussie guys? Definitely not. Does it apply to a large proportion of Aussie guys? In my experience, yes."
"I'm a good conversationalist. I can get pretty much any guy comfortably chatting to me. But I have to ask all of the questions, and do all of the prompting, otherwise the conversation will grind to an awkward halt. And that's not because they don't want to talk more — it's just that they don't seem to know how to keep a conversation flowing (or at least, not with a girl, even if I'm happy to discuss topics they're interested in).
One of things I found attractive about my husband when we met was that I didn't have to do all of the labour in the conversation. He had thoughts about almost any topic, and was happy to share them if asked. But he was equally quick to ask questions of everyone else, and was genuinely interested in their answers.
We've been married for almost 14 years, and I still really enjoy our conversations."
5. "YES!! I've noticed this myself with a lot of male friends and when I'm asking them for more information about a third person story they are re-telling to me, they never know more information."
"They will be telling me about a date their friend went on. I'll ask questions about the date and they simply do not know because they do not ask their friends such basic details."
6. "It's no great surprise that men consistently report being lonelier than women do."
—u/akohhh
7. "Typically, when I was married, most social engagements where I ended up talking to people I wasn't already mates with was because I was +1 to my wife's invitation."
"In that circumstance, I'm just not that interested in you or your new cavoodle. I'll hold a conversation to be polite, but I don't need or want more friends."
—u/Wiggly-Pig
8. "Aussie blokes are often a bit stuck in the '80s when the only acceptable topics of conversation were sport, cars and how pissed you got last night. Everything else was 'a bit fruity'."
9. "We're shit at small-talk. Literal full stop. We have masculinity hang-ups, because our dads had to be tough, so we do too. All it takes is having a baby girl to knock us out of it, but until then, it's stiff upper lip central."
10. "The first rule about being an Aussie male is you don't talk about being an Aussie male."
—u/degganegga
11. "I agree that a lot of Aussie blokes, especially ones older than millennials, don’t tend to ask questions and would rather talk at me, unless we’re on a date."
"I find that most guys are more receptive when you follow their lead and talk at them back. I think if an Aussie bloke views you in a friendly manner, they'll treat you as a bloke and this is just how (Aussie) guys talk to one another."
12. "I’m a guy who doesn’t have a huge number of male friends, because their conversational skills and emotional awareness are usually pretty limited."
"I agree that it tends to be an Australian thing — I don’t tend to find the same stoic inability to connect from Canadians or guys from the UK.
I find that the guys I can connect with tend to be those you’d typically expect to be more emotionally-available: Queer guys, guys in more artistic or creative communities, guys from marginalised backgrounds, academics, social and community workers, etc."
—u/Figshitter
13. "Very interesting perspective. I haven’t really thought about it, but it sounds like you’re onto something there."
—u/pangasreve
14. "I’ve got an Aussie mum and an English dad. While I’ve spent the majority of my life in Aus, I have lived in the UK too and have very close ties to my dad's hometown."
"My experience has been that while it was easier to make friends in Australia and people are less stoic and cautious to strangers, the friendships are more surface level. Sometimes I’ll get back from the pub and my wife will ask how *insert name* is and I’m like 'I have no idea. We only really talked about the footy and took the piss out of *insert someone else*.'
While I found some people in the UK initially more cautious when I was joining a friendship group, the connections and conversations long-term have been a lot deeper and more vulnerable."
15. "Can relate. In my experience it’s easier to have meaningful and vulnerable relationships in the UK with both men and women."
"Many Australians seem to lack basic conversational skills, while Brits overall seem much more comfortable with behaving like humans in front of other humans.
Many (not all!) Aussie men expect women to do all the heavy lifting in social relationships, whereas I’ve noticed British men will meet us halfway."
—u/Astraia27
16. "This is my dad 100%. His doctor used to diagnose him with stuff and he would never ask any questions or ask for more information."
"Just assumed if it was important, he would be told. One day, I saw a referral of his that listed his medical conditions. Asked him why he had never told us about his heart problems, kidney disease and osteoporosis. He didn't know he had them. Had been tested and diagnosed — and was being treated, but never questioned anything, so he had no idea what was wrong with him."
17. "The more questions we have to answer, the more time our mouths are open, the more flies attempt unauthorised landings. It's self preservation."
—u/cannonadeau
18. "Yeah. I had this realisation many years ago, we just don’t ask each other questions. We talk about things and stories, but there aren’t many questions."
—u/Fork-Cartel
19. "I’ve never been able to pinpoint why I haven’t dated an Australian guy for a while. This is it. I don’t want to talk at you. I want to have back and forth conversations."
20. "I think it’s a case of being able to enjoy some silence, and not feel awkward about it. I’m happy to just sit there and bring something up when it’s required. Not every second needs to be filled with verbal diarrhoea."
21. And finally, "Sometimes it is nice just to be quiet."
What do you reckon? Do Aussie men need to work on their conversation skills? Let us know in the comments!
Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.