10 Things You Would Love To Put An End To

Reconsider the amount you drink or the pet you choose next time…

1. People who are annoying when drunk

Maybe this is just because I’m constantly sober, but I really would love if people who were drunk stopped being so goddamn touchy. I’m not really a huge fan of being touched, especially by sweating drunk people.

2. Calories

This one is self-explanatory. If calories came to an end, we could all eat bacon for breakfast, chocolate for lunch and nutella for dinner and never gain any weight. Going to the gym wouldn’t feel like a terrible obligation anymore and thanksgiving dinner could last for hours longer. There wouldn’t be those girls that sit at dinner next to you counting the number of carrot sticks they’ll eat during their spring break diet. I’m not a science gal, but there’s gotta be a cure to calories out there somewhere.

3. Cats

I just really really dislike them. I find them to be a less cute, less entertaining, more annoying substitute for dogs.

4. Stigmas on being single

Why is it such a bad thing to be single? Every time you go home your mom asks if there are any boys in your life, every time you catch up with old friends you’re asked if you’ve met anyone. Why is this something that defines the person we are at the moment?

5. Having to take a shower

I think there has to be a more efficient way to clean our bodies. Why must I leave my bed once a day to make sure my hair isn’t greasy for class the next day when I haven’t produced one ounce of sweat?

6. Waiting on line

Coming from the most impatient girl in the world, I cannot tolerate slow people. My motto is “get what you need and get out of there”. This is why I will never understand rubbernecking traffic: just keep driving you noisy, socially ignorant human.

7. Short Boys

Being 5’8” has been a struggle for me. I don’t mind having friends that are shorter than me, but come on, a girl can only have so many friends.

8. Classes before Noon

How do you think I always look this good? Answer: I sleep a shit ton. I go to bed at midnight and wake up at 10:30 am, the earliest.

9. Having to change out of pajamas

It doesn’t make sense to me that people think it’s weird when I come to dinner in pajamas. Why can’t a girl just want to be comfortable? Give me a break and swap your tight jeans for a pair of sweatpants. Tell me then that you don’t feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

10. People who ask stupid questions

There is nothing worse than someone asking a dumb question: the kinds that the answers are so obvious that you cringe when you hear them ask it. The steam that blows out of my ears as I daily hear the ignorance from my peers comes from a deep resentment of stupid people. I just really hate people that are educated, yet ask questions like “Do you think Obama’s going to win the next election?”

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