3. You become very aware of the date.
“March 1. Now, that would be a good birthday.”
4. And you start to make predictions that are based on literally nothing.
“So, I just looked at my diary and this time last year we went to the beach, remember? And we saw that baby, remember? I just feel like today’s the day. It would make so much sense.”
5. You can’t help but talk about the baby to anyone who will listen.
You: “Yeah, my friend’s actually having a baby.”
Guy making your coffee: “So, skim or regular?”
7. You start taking note of everyone else in your life who’s having babies, so you can predict who your friend’s baby will be baby-friends with.
Whether or not your pregnant friend knows these people or their offspring seems completely irrelevant.
8. Every time your phone buzzes you let out a tiny scream.
“FFS Optus, I know my phone bill is overdue. I am EXPECTING A BABY OVER HERE.”
9. You’ve searched “average labour time” more than once, so you know how to plan the day when it finally arrives.
You ignore everyone who tries to remind you that “babies are unpredictable”. They’ll all be sorry when they’re stuck at a Saturday breakfast with some non-baby chump.
10. You start smiling at stranger babies on the street.
11. And when you see your friend, you always talk to the baby.
“WHEN ARE YOU COMING, TINY FRIEND?”
12. After some time, you begin to think that perhaps the baby is never coming.
It’s 2016, after all. How can a doctor’s prediction be so wrong?