1. Alright, here we go! Week one and I am PUMPED!
2. Oh look, there's my cube!
3. Wait. Computers like this still exist?
4. How does this turn on?
5. Can this really even be called a computer anymore?
6. Oh, there's a modem. Right. I remember those.
7. Okay the screen is literally flickering.
8. I'm either about to be possessed by the ghost of computers past or have an aneurism.
9. Why is there literally always someone in the bathroom?
10. This many people can't possibly all work on this one floor.
11. I just want to pee in peace, is that really so much to ask?
12. Just hurry up and wash your hands already…
13. That's it… now dry…
14. Door closed, yes! Alone at last.
15. Aw crap, I left my phone at my desk.
16. What's the point of having alone-on-the-toilet time without Twitter?
17. Opportunity wasted. I'm so disappointed in myself right now.
18. This internet connection is taking YEARS to load anything.
19. So I can't be blamed if things aren't done on time. Right?
20. This printer, on the other hand, looks like the goddamn Hubble telescope.
21. Why are there twelve different trays? And where is it hiding them…?
22. Now it's beeping accusingly at me.
23. Oh god, it won't stop!
24. Just back away slowly… don't alarm it...
25. Someone else fixed it, praise Allah.
26. The fact that I can't actually see my coworkers in their cubes makes it about 1,200x more awkward that I know every detail about their personal lives.
27. Seriously, don't you know that everyone on this entire floor can hear you discussing your best pal Kristie's dramatic breakup with Evan this weekend?
28. I don't care that you bought leopard pumps online and that you're super excited about it! Christ!
29. Okay so I have to make a call.
30. I remember landlines. I can do this.
31. Wait, what are all these buttons for? Where is voicemail? I'm so confused.
32. When was the last time I actually spoke on the phone? I can't remember…
33. So I press 9 to call out, or 1? Or is it 9 and 1?
34. Jesus, okay, it's ringing.
35. Wait, shit! Everyone on this whole floor will be able to hear me talking!
36. What if I sound like an idiot? What if they ask me a question I don't know the answer to?
37. Okay, just be cool…
38. "Yes hello, I'm calling about Bluepath Media Company. I mean, I'm from Bluepath Media Company. This is Gabby. I'm sorry."
39. Nailed it.
40. There's one Keurig for this entire office and a bottle of dish soap but no sponge.
41. How am I supposed to clean my mug? With paper towels?
42. Yeah that is not going to clear up all the coffee stains.
43. Note to self: bring a dark colored mug tomorrow.
44. And why is the cafeteria open at the weirdest times?
45. The cafeteria only takes cash? Who carries cash anymore?
46. I haven't seen a physical dollar in weeks.
47. I just found an unopened pack of neon post-its and squealed out loud.
48. When did office supplies become such a big deal?
49. I can't tell if my life has become so dull and routine-oriented that brightly colored pieces of paper are enough to make my day, or if I'm just that excitable and weird.
50. Probably both.
51. How is it that every person in this office is wearing something different every day?
52. I don't even own five different pairs of underwear, let alone five different pairs of work appropriate shirts.
53. Can I wear a sweater? Or a tank top?
54. Guys have it so easy, they just have to decide what color shirt to wear each morning and they're done.
55. Actually it's kind of hard to tell the guys apart sometimes...
56. Whatever, I'm wearing the same black pants all 5 days this week.
57. No one will notice. Right?
58. Okay so this is a little bit more of an adjustment than I expected it to be.
59. At least my coworkers are nice.
60. We're all in the same boat, so at least there's that.
61. And I do like what I'm doing… most days...
62. And it's a paycheck.
63. I suppose I really shouldn't complain, I mean people are starving all over the world and would kill to have a job like this.
64. Maybe a positive attitude is all I need here.
65. I'm a legal adult and I have to pay bills and buy reasonable amounts of food and definitely unreasonable but necessary amounts of wine.
66. So this is just the way life is gonna be now.
67. I should just get used to it.
68. But I swear to God, if I have to hear Sandra tell that stupid story about how she lost her kids at Chuck E. Cheese one more time, I am going to SCREAM. I DON'T CARE SANDRA. TAKE IT OUTSIDE, GODDAMNIT.
69. Ah shit, the printer is beeping again.
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