6 Reasons Why Abstinence May Not Be Such A Bad Thing

It may be time to redefine 'safe sex'.

1. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

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Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CTS) is charactarized by numbness or pain in the hands and fingers caused by compression of the median nerve in the carpal tunnel of the wrist. Although most often associated with poor typing posture, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CTS) can also be caused by sexy time monotony. Risky habits to avoid include, supporting weight on your palms and prolonged manual stimulation of your partner. So, don't be afraid to switch it up, folks!

2. Jaw Dislocation

Via brainz.org

As if your significant other didn't have enough excuses not to take the bus downtown.

When the mouth opens wide it is possible for the jaw to become displaced and stay in the dislocated position. Usually, the jaw will fall back into place in a matter of minutes, but in extreme cases an ER visit may be necessary to reset the jaw.

3. Blue Balls

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Any male who has ever been left hanging is painfully aware of this phenomenon.

Epididymal hypertension, colloquially known as 'Blue balls', is a severe testicular pain resulting from prolonged unsatisfied arousal in men. Ladies, don't feel left out, because there's a female equivalent of blue balls

4. Penile Fracture

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Although the term 'penile fracture' is something of a misnomer, due to the fact that it isn't possible to literally fracture a penis, it is painful nonetheless. A penile fracture is caused by blunt force trauma to an erect penis, usually during intercourse or wildly aggressive masturbation. Word to the wise: unless you've got a backup, take it easy with that thing.

5. Muscular Strains

Via menshealth.co.uk

Cramps are nothing compared to broken penises (penii?), but painful nonetheless. Contrary to popular belief, it does not take marathon amounts of sex to cramp up. Cramps can be facilitated by dehydration and low electrolytes characteristic of your typical hangover.There's nothing wrong with a little lazy sex every now and again, people.

6. Inoculation Lymphoreticulosis (Cat Scratch Fever)

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It goes without saying that felines are the internet's sweethearts. From chasing lasers to toppling flat screen tvs, these little guys ceaselessly have us in stitches. The sad fact is, there's a dark side to cats that will leave us quite literally in stitches.

If you are shortsighted enough to engage in coitus while your cat is present, you put yourself at great risk of falling victim to the ultimate cockblock in the form of cat scratches. If left untreated, bacteria from these scratches will travel through the bloodstream, leading to weeks of fever, chills and headaches. Me-oww.