Americans have a lot to think about in the next few months. Grapefriend has been dutifully researching the issues at hand: namely, which presidential-ticket candidate is the biggest grapefriend! Citizens of Grapefriend, here are the facts:
obama
burger and fries? come on now, he could’ve rocked a Cab or something
Even though he rocked some Graham Beck on Election Night, he’s way more into beer than wine. The White House even has their own brew, and people are apparently clamoring for them to release the recipe. Plus, as we know, the White House stopped releasing what wines they’re serving at state dinners during his administration. And then, this pic popped up on Obama’s Instagram this week – at least Michelle is rocking some wine. I really think they should make a White House wine and drum up some government revenue and some grapefriends.
biden
he is WAY more into the champs than whatever’s happening at the podium
He’s been seen knocking back a glass or two. At the lunch for Chinese Vice President Xi Jinpingin in February, he made a toast with Iron Horse’s Chinese Cuvee. And at a State Department luncheon with the Prime Minister of England David Cameron, he even took a photo with the owner of Veritas Vineyards. I’m down with this.
romney
He’s a Mormon and they don’t drink. Things would look incredibly dire for the Republican ticket if it weren’t for his running mate – read on because the next part is really good.
ryan
OK, so who knew who this guy was last year? I’ll tell you who: Susan Feinberg! This lady is either the biggest grapenemy or the biggest grapefriend – I can’t tell which yet.
stalkery pic, with her Meursault in the foreground
So last July, this story broke that Paul Ryan was having dinner with some economists, who ordered two bottles of Jayer-Gilles 2004 Echezeaux Grand Cru. This is a really good Burgundy (Pinot Noir), and although Paul Ryan may be a numbers guy he didn’t have any clue that these two puppies were gonna cost $350 EACH.
So this Susan Feinberg person, a professor at Rutgers, spies him drinking this awesome wine, snaps a picture, and goes full force denouncing him for spending so much money on wine. “We were just stunned,” said Feinberg in her e-mail to Talking Points Memo. “I was an economist so I started doing the envelope calculations and quickly figured out that those two bottles of wine was more than two-income working family making minimum wage earned in a week.” Wow, you must’ve be one damn brilliant economist if you needed to do such complicated “calculations” to figure that one out. I’m not taking Ryan’s side, but is this lady freaking serious??? The article goes on:
After ending their meal and paying the check, Feinberg decided to give Ryan a piece of her mind. She approached the table and asked Ryan “how he could live with himself” sipping expensive wine while advocating for cuts to programs for seniors and the poor.
Hey, I’d live with myself pretty nicely if I were downing such good Pinot every night, but I’m not in public service. So blah blah blah everyone has to weigh in and give the usual statements. This TPM article continues:
Ryan said he only had one glass of wine out of the two bottles but decided when it came time to pay the bill that he should pay for one of the bottles of wine out of an abundance of caution. He even produced the receipt for the meal, which you can view here. The receipt shows a charge to Ryan’s credit card for $472 — $392 for his meal and the bottle of wine and a generous $80 tip.
TPM: …she was saying, is it appropriate for you guys to be ordering that kind of wine $350 dollars-a-bottle?
Ryan: “A.) I didn’t order it. B.) I had no idea what it would cost, and C.) …I bought one of these bottles even though I drank a glass, and I always pull my own weight for my meals.”
TPM: That was very smart. … But do you think it’s appropriate now that you know how much the wine cost to be drinking [such expensive wine] when you’re advocating cuts for seniors?
Ryan: “I think it’s stupid to pick up that much for a bottle of wine under any circumstance.”
TPM: But you had to pay for it…
Ryan: “Yeah, I was like this is ridiculous. Who buys wine that expensive? It surprised me, and I think it’s stupid under any circumstance to pay anything close to 100 dollars for a bottle of wine.
TPM: So you wouldn’t do it again?
Ryan: “Well, of course not, because I think it’s too much money to pay for wine. Yeah, I don’t really know what exactly it cost. It was expensive. But um, 250 maybe it was 250, I don’t really remember.”
Conflicting things here – he’s ripping on the price of wine, but wasn’t even like “But it was SO GOOD!” So then maybe he isn’t a grapefriend, and you can get behind the power to the people effort – until you learn that this lady was sucking down an $80 bottle of Thierry et Pascale Matrot 2005 Meursault! Obviously, the only conclusion we can come to after this is that she is a grapefriend and was just totally jealous of the juice on the other table.
Or, you can go with Ryan’s description of her: “crazy and possibly drunk.”
Ugh, I just sit back with my glass and watch it all go by.
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