This is the time of year when, traditionally, couples everywhere are forced to wonder: "Am I doing enough sex stuff with food?"
Be it sexily crumbly chocolate covered strawberries or cans of sticky whipped cream, Big Romance encourages us to make a mess of ourselves and our beds each Valentine's Day.
Among the newer varieties of "sexy" "snack": edible body paint.
We decided to test one type (and three flavors) of edible body paint to find out if it:
1. Tastes good.
2. Works as a paint.
3. Goes on/comes off easily.
First, we applied each flavor to our wrists, using the witches' broom-style foam applicator included with each bottle.
The results were visually upsetting.
First flavor up? Strawberries & champagne, AKA "the one that looks like blood."
Though disturbing in appearance, and shockingly sweet, the strawberries & champagne paint went down fairly easily.
Overall, we liked it!
Next up: Chocolate.
While some of us (Katie) thought the chocolate tasted not unlike Tootsie Rolls, most of us were not fans.
Finally, we tried the vanilla chocolate, also known as "the one that looks like jizz."
Reactions were ... mixed.
THE PAINT TEST
The red still pretty much just looked like blood.
The chocolate was extremely streaky — so much so that Grace's message became illegible.
Here Sarah attempts to used mixed media to paint a penis and a butt. Neither turns out great.
And the vanilla looked like ... well.
Finally, we invited an actual artist (BuzzFeed illustrator Will Varner) to test out the paint, to see if HE could make it work.
The answer? Not really.
1. This body paint will make you look like you're covered in various bodily fluids. Whether that's good or bad is up to you. The drippy consistency makes it a little hard to paint with, but it does add a certain gritty realness if you want it to look like a murder.
2. Strawberries and champagne was the winner of the taste test. But if you decide to paint it on your face, it WILL leave a red stain that's hard to wash off. But maybe it's worth it to look like you're making a true love blood oath.
3. Use your paint conservatively. You don't want to be in a situation where you've put too much paint on your partner. Because if it's gross, you'll be forced to lick off a lot more than you want to.
4. Before you use the body paint, make sure you really like your partner. The flavors are gross and you should only lick them off a body belonging to someone you're willing to go through that for.
Happy Valentine's Day, paint lickers.