1.
Wife: *texts* What are you doing? Me: *looks at all the empty beer cans in front of me* Recycling.
2.
[beer garden] ME: [touching the beer plants] the beers are coming in very alcoholic this year
3.
A flight attendant judged me for ordering alcohol at 7:10 AM on a 50-minute flight. Sorry, lady. The first rule of free beer is drink it.
4.
Wife: I’m heading to the store. Do you want anything? Me: A sense of meaning and purpose in my life. Wife: *adds beer to the grocery list*
5.
[visiting family] 1st beer: Civil conversation about work 5th: Heated talk on politics 12th: Shouting match about the best ninja turtle
6.
I'm impressed with who I become when I don't have an opener for a bottle of beer
7.
ME: ugh how did I get so drunk last night *flashback to me drinking a lot of beer for hours* ME: I guess we'll never know
8.
"if there was a cup there i would've hit it" - me after every missed beer pong shot
9.
Budweiser isn't the only beer changing names this summer Guinness -- Ireland Colt 45 -- Stereotype Juice Miller Lite -- Swamp Water
10.
BARTENDER: How can I help you ME: *handing him my bottle of Corona Light* This beer is too spicy
11.
Me: *drinking another beer* Wife: you cant live on beer [20 years later in my house boat on beer lake] *through tears* look at me now Ann
12.
Time to get crazy *drinks one beer* time for bed
13.
*drinks a tiny sip of beer* whiwo shoudl i drink text omgg igm sO wasted
14.
at least my personality is still Wine Mom and not Beer Aunt yet
15.
hate when people say don't give bread to ducks cuz its bad for them. Beer is bad for me but I'd love people to randomly throw it at my house