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31 Tweets For Girls Who Don't Give A Fuck

In loving memory of when we cared.

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1.

i’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, blocking his path on purpose and making him squeeze past me, in a display of dominance

2.

*pulls up google* *maximizes font size* *turns towards girl next to me* *searches "how to stop someone from sitting next to you on a bench"*

3.

I want to date an older man so I can watch him die

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4.

ideal movie script: dude: you're not like other girls girl: what exactly is your problem with other girls, i like other girls. fuck off.

5.

u become a bad bitch the moment u accumulate more hours of cunnilingus received than hours spent watching boys play video games as a teen

6.

every single party where women listen interestedly to men is an extended piece of performance art, and men have NO IDEA

7.

I refuse to let a dude who uses Axe 3-in-1 body gel tell me about natural beauty unless he is a park ranger and he's doing his job.

8.

Next time someone knocks on your bathroom stall say "Sorry, I'm with a client."

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9.

a guy just caught me taking a selfie n expected me to be ashamed so i took forty more

10.

*wipes doritos dust onto cum-stained sweatpants* hmmmmm time to pick out a flawless wife on the internet. not rihanna her forehead's too big

11.

i call my vagina 'pomegranate' because dudes don't know how to eat it

12.

13.

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14.

cosmo sex tip #669: when you grab his shaft, yell “pull the lever kronk!”

15.

*lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU

16.

A guy said "You have pretty eyes" I was like no shit

17.

my ub*r driver is playing classical n was like "bet u don't know who this is" n i said "u know i get to rate this ride right"

18.

Leaving my browser history open in case anyone in this coffee shop tries to steal my laptop when I'm in the bathroom.

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19.

FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian

20.

i came here to chew gum and say "oh wow" when men tell me stories, and i'm all out of - oh wow you went to brazil for a semester? oh wow

21.

Sorry I yelled "killin' it" when your mom was eating that banana.

22.

if an adult man ever tries to romance me with a ukulele I will throw him down a well

23.

boy: you have really pretty eyes... me: *suspicious* thank you...??? boy: *leans in slowly* me: NO!!!! You cant have them!!!!!

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24.

25.

i love that moment post breakup when girls start posting fire selfies.

26.

DATE: um, hi nice to meet y- ME: *muffled by my jousting helmet* you are a small and weak man

27.

boy: i wished girls liked sports girl: i like sports boy: oh yeah name the blood type of the seahawks coach from the 1990s

28.

HOW TO TALK TO PRETTY GIRLS YOU SEE IN THE STREET: -don't -don't do this -they don't want to talk to you -really -yes, you -please stop -no

29.

won't rest until boys are kissing at parties to get attention from girls

30.

finally I can write without my beautiful fucking tits getting in the way

31.

when someone bumps into you, immediately say (loudly) “oh no my hot bod!”

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