1.We know you're not coming back when you ask us, “What time do you close?”
2.And saying, “Sorry to be that customer” when you come in two minutes before we close, doesn’t make it any better.
3.The classic "I only wore them a few times and they got holes in" will not wash when you bring us a damp pair of shoes that look like this:
4.Even if they don't, we will tell you that the shoes you're trying on look amazing.
5.But, as a fully grown adult, we expect you to have at least a rough idea of your shoe size.
6.This is what every Monday morning looks like:
7.Somehow, even though the stockroom is always full, we're never able to find the size we need.
8.Talking of the stockroom, this is what every single photo on our phones looks like:
9.We spend a lot of time waiting around for your mates to text back and tell you which pair you should go for.
10.Yes, we can check every store in the country to find a pair of shoes for you, but no, we cannot have them posted to you. We know it's dumb.
11.There is a special place in hell that is reserved for people who want to return something at midday on a Saturday.
12.When we realise that the last shoe in the size you want has been on display for three months, we know that even our best sales pitch won't close that sale.
13.Making boots stand up is actually really difficult.
14.But keeping our lanyards in-tact is even harder.
15.We've all embarrassed ourselves in order to promote in-store offers.
16.When these come back into stock, we know we can relax because our budget will make itself.
17.But when a customer asks for Sale JuJus, we die a little inside.
18.This stuff does actually work.
19.And for some of us, the temptation caused by being around shoes all the time is just too much.
