This week (and, well, technically last week) on The Bachelor, Nick whisks his ever-dwindling harem off to Finland. Listen. Finland looks amazing! I want to go to Finland! Anyway. Nick has to decide whether to take his three girlfriends to the Fantasy Suite™ and fulfill their fantasies of sleeping without a camera watching them for the first time in months. Vanessa is worried about her green card plan working out. Raven shows Nick she's spunky and relatable by shooting a reindeer and eating its meat. Rachel wears some very enviable footie pajamas.
Will Raven find satisfaction at the hands of a man wearing the nation's most overwhelming turtleneck? Will Vanessa choose love with Nick or pasta with Canadians? Was this maybe Andi Dorfman's first time in Brooklyn? Where the hell is Chris Harrison?
Hop into your sleigh and let's get started.