5 Signs You’re Addicted To The Internet

I’m not addicted I can quit anytime I want!

1. WiFi is your wife

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The signal is the strength of your love for your WiFi, you get every upgrade as soon as it becomes available because WiFi deserves only the very best. You compare other WiFis to your WiFi and they always come up lacking. When you visit the homes of your friends you feel like a cheater when you ask for their WiFi password. Anyone that talks smack about your WiFi can get out of your house. You don’t need their negative attitude around.

2. You have an account on every social media site

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You are always the first to sign up as soon as a new social media becomes available. You lead the way for others to join up as well because they need to experience the joy of becoming part of something new. You haven’t even deleted your old Myspace and LiveJournal accounts because you like to look at them for nostalgia. Ahhhh the memories of when you were punk/goth kid choosing the right Fall Out Boy song to greet visitors to your page choosing who was going to be in your Top 5. It was a pretty big deal.

3. You’re the reason things go viral

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Because you’re on every site all day long as soon as something starts trending you spread it like wildfire. Everyone retweets and reblogs from you. You’re the one they go to when they need the skinny on the new hot trend. Granny hair 2K15- you're the one that told your stylist about it, justice needs a hashtag-you already have 10 prepared, is the dress blue/black or white/gold- its white/gold/ugly. You have spoken.

4. You check it everywhere and anywhere

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This is when you addiction gets out of hand because you are just not socially conscience or don’t care when you’re on the internet. Internet is the reason you bought the latest smartphone. It’s not so you can be reached by your friends, parents or boss. No, it’s so you can continue your argument with people on Twitter and have Google to back up your sources. You write essays even if you only have 140 characters. Besides you only Instagrammed one funeral that one time #nomakeup in #mourning.

5. No signal = Death

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We’ve all gone to someone's house with weak reception, been to a sketch part of town where the signal is clinging to life but as soon as you enter a zone and your WiFi kicks out hell breaks loose. Your $300 phone now has the value of a cute paper weight. You hold your phone up like you're Rafiki showing off Simba to the prey he will one day disembowel and your cry penetrates the night air. You move quickly until your reunited and mentally add that location to your Dead Zone list, because only where the light touches is your kingdom. We're never leaving home again!

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Ok maybe we’ll go out to the occasional brunch. This food isn’t going to photograph itself.