25 Musical Theatre Truths Every Performer Must Face

From auditions to post-show blues, the rules of Musical Theatre performance somehow always stay the same. Here are 25 of our best, brightest, most traumatising truths, presented in glorious technidrama.

1. Auditioning in costume is a really tempting risk.

We all do it at least a little. Dressing older because the part's older, dressing younger, looking smarter, painting ourselves entirely green...

2. It's a wonder you even make it in the audition room.

Anyone who isn't nervous at an audition obviously hasn't spoken to a nervous person yet. Give it time.

3. You'll fear for your script.

Rule 1: Keep them safe. Rule 2: Keep them clean. You almost don't want to even hold them in case you screw them up and have to pay for it the rest of your life. They're like babies, if babies had to eventually go back where they came from. As long as you rub out the pencil lines, no one's the wiser. Just like babies.

4. Rehearsals will be roasting hot in July...

You've taken off so many layers you look like a wet sausage in some curtain rings. And don't kid yourself - your sweat definitely just hit that other guy.

...and freezing cold the other 11 months.

You brought a huge coat and as many layers as you could fit under it. Everyone else is still dressed like they're in a Robin Thicke video. Joke's on them.

5. You'll forget to bring water.

You're drinking tap water out of your hand. Who says the job's not as glamorous as it looks?

6. You can't stop those awkward drama games from happening.

"Ah, so you must make a pretty good tree," your non-theatrical uncle asks every Christmas when he ceremonially re-asks what you do. You'd be offended, if a workshop leader hadn't paid you that exact compliment two weeks ago, right after she tore apart your baby giraffe improv.

7. Subtlety is not your friend.

Even if you want it to be, this is not the place to play it small. It's not 'mouse-ical theatre'.

8. Every rehearsal space has a nearby Starbucks.

Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your oddly-spelled name and your ridiculous theatre-kid order.

9. But coffee probably isn't your only problem.

You say 'Pinot' more often these days than you call your mum.

10. You'll have to sing with a hangover.

Breathe...

11. You'll have to act with a hangover.

Breathe...

12. You'll have to dance with a hangover.

Breathe... Oh. No. Breathing was a bad idea. Get out my way.

13. Coughing in rehearsal is social napalm.

People will still talk to you, but you better turn your head the other way if you're saying anything back.

14. Sneezing on the props is worse.

Burn it now!

15. You'll always look awesome in the dressing room mirrors.

Your hair looks absolutely ridiculous. You're wearing some horrendous pseudo-80s thing made entirely out of woven plastic. You're irresistible.

16. "You can't see the audience" is a dangerous falsehood.

And of course, your mother's walking in late.

17. An injury can be very conflicting for an understudy.

As long as it's not their own injury, of course. They tend to react quite predictably to themselves getting injured.

18. Finding centrestage in a blackout sucks.

You could always dance over a bit, but then it would be really obvious that you're off-piste, and performer logic says the audience can't tell just by looking at you.

19. And some people will just perform in front you anyway.

At least the audience can't see the face you're making at him. They might be able to hear you sobbing.

20. If you're not feeling the pressure, though...?

The scene is wonderful and intense. The singing is wonderful and intense. The dancing is wonderful and intense. The audience is wondering how you do it. You're wondering how long it's been since you changed the battery in your smoke alarm.

21. In the end, you'll nail it.

22. But all great things must come to an end.

23. You might break down.

24. Your body definitely will.

25. But you have to remember to smile.

Even in your darkest hour.

Because you love the creative silliness of it all.

And you know you'll be doing it til the day you drop.