When you replace a longstanding favourite babysitter.
Having to make awkward smalltalk while the other parent gets ready.
And then dealing with this when the parents leave.
Homework time is unreasonably stressful.
And there are stickers.....EVERYWHERE.
Dinner time is a colossal effort.
But you also feed them chocolate by the kilo. And worry they'll tell their parents.
Play time means having to stoop to ridicule with games such as: master, servants and dungeons.
It is beyond embarrassing to have a toddler criticize your clothing.
Playing hide and seek and the kids are way too good. Panic. Should I call 999?
Letting the kids play with your hair is pain like no other.
All the close contact means you're always at risk of contracting a really phleghmy cough because the kids have a permanent cold.
But you have to give equal amounts of attention to the kids to avoid sibling rivalry.
You constantly find yourself on all fours picking up micro pieces of toys lost in the carpet.
There's no such thing as personal space.
To the point where you've changed your iPhone passcode way too many times.
Bathtime makes you wish you hadn't worn nice clothes.
The kids start prodding and questioning various body parts.
And sing interesting renditions of Disney songs.
At the end they leave you presents in the toilet - for the love of god FLUSH.
You're expected to be a comedian for story time.
And when the kids are in bed? Stealth snacking.
When the parents come home tipsy and ask: "What do we owe you?" (even though you told them earlier)...you pull your "ohh whatever you want face" because you don't want to be rude.
And because they're happily hammered you get more than your hourly rate.
And then once you get home...