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27 Things That Will Happen At Every Greek Wedding

Και στα δικά σου...!

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1. Anyone and everyone is invited.

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The wedding isn't complete without the kiosk owner's third cousin.

2. Naturally, every "Maria" under the sun is in attendance.

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3. And the whole town knows about the wedding.

Whether they like it or not.
Klearchos Kapoutsis / Via Flickr: klearchos

Whether they like it or not.

4. Non Greeks won't really know what's going on.

5. Like when the bride stamps on the groom's toes.

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When the priest says "the wife shall fear her husband", she shows who's boss.

6. Or when the stefana are exchanged.

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To crown the now husband and wife.

7. And when the priest slaps the groom.

8. To be fair, some traditions are a bit odd.

A little boy (or girl) is thrown onto the couple's bed. With the hope that the couple's first child will be a boy (or a girl).
Flickr: dabergs

A little boy (or girl) is thrown onto the couple's bed. With the hope that the couple's first child will be a boy (or a girl).

9. The bride lists all the names of her unmarried girlfriends on the sole of her right shoe.

At the end of the night, the names of the girls that have rubbed off are said to be the next to get married.
Filanthi Tzaerli

At the end of the night, the names of the girls that have rubbed off are said to be the next to get married.

10. And the groom is shaved by the koumbaros (best man).

11. If you're not married, you'll be interrogated.

RuPaul's Drag Race

Guests will go up to the unmarried family members and say: "And much happiness for your wedding day!" Thank you for the unnecessary pressure.

12. Which makes you feel really old.

E! Keeping Up With The Kardashians

"You're 26 and not married? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

13. Rice is thrown at the newlyweds.

No spitting. Maybe a few "air" spits but no saliva.
Filanthi Tzaerli

No spitting. Maybe a few "air" spits but no saliva.

14. No matter how delightful the decor, the in-laws will continue to bicker.

Fairy lights are tacky or tasteful depending on which Theia you ask.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding / Via tumblr.com

Fairy lights are tacky or tasteful depending on which Theia you ask.

15. The emotional send-offs are raw.

Families think they will never see each other again but really they'll end up living next door.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding / Via tumblr.com

Families think they will never see each other again but really they'll end up living next door.

16. A token of "boubounieres" never taste as good as they look.

Filanthi Tzaerli

17. And there's at least five courses to go.

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Slap that Brizola on your plate.

18. Don't worry, you will manage to fit the loukoumades in somewhere.

Flickr: garysoup / Via Creative Commons

19. And by the end you are so full, you're delirious.

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But congratulations you've just eaten Mount Olympus in food!

20. At this point the Bouzouki makes an appearance.

And the player's fingers move at Usain Bolt speed.
Flickr: stevenraymondparker

And the player's fingers move at Usain Bolt speed.

21. Yes. Plates are smashed.

500 Days of Summer

But not the expensive stuff. It's all about the cheap sets.

22. There's high quality gossip, lots of it.

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"Have you seen Maria? She got fat. And Nick just got divorced."

23. Mothers scout for eligble men for their daughters.

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24. And come to a standstill, when an absolute God turns up.

America's Next Top Model

25. Meanwhile, money is pinned on the bride and groom mid-dance (a Greek Cypriot tradition).

Future funds yo.
Flickr: bensutherland

Future funds yo.

26. You know, traditional dancing is basically a cardio workout.

27. As your drunk Theio shows, when he closes the night with a solo dance.

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And later tries to balance a glass(es) of Whiskey on his head.