Reasons Not To See (The New) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie

You've seen the cartoons and the old movies, maybe you've even read the comic, but this movie is something that may ruin your childhood if you grew up in the 80's. These are the reasons why not to see the Michael Bay movie this weekend (or ever).....

This guy......ugh

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Yeah, he is responsible for raping your childhood. This time he's taken it too far with a misappropriated origin story that will be laughable to any and all TMNT fans. I've heard kids that are not familiar with the turtles legacy do in fact like the film. What the hell do they know?

This B#*&%

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Megan Fox, ok, just because you put her in a yellow rain coat does not make her April O'neil. She and Bay have apparently buried the hatchet in their 'working' relationship. I get that she has nicely enhanced face but really?! They didn't even bother to dye her hair red? She also publicly told the nay sayers to 'F* Off' and that people are gonna love the film......uh, doubt it.

The Turtles Faces....and......

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They made some crazy decision to make them look like creepy baby faced over sized green men. Please put the mask back on is all I have to say. I can't really further elaborate on the origin of these creatures unless you really want me to spoil it. Essentially though they are not the focus of the film. So, just think about what you might be paying for........