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The Royal Wedding Drinking Game

Perhaps the only way to make this thing tolerable. God save the Queen and your liver if you adhere strictly to these rules. But no, congratulations William and Kate. Many happy returns, and may you get as pissed as anyone who plays this game. That's what the Brits say, isn't it? "Pissed"? "Bangers and mash"? "Metric system"?

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  • THE CEREMONY

  • If someone says "marriage" or "marry," 1 Drink

  • If someone says "God," 1 Drink

  • If someone says "honor," 1 Drink

  • If someone says "love," 1 Drink

  • If someone says "organ" or "organist," 3 Drinks

  • If someone says "Gentlemen-in-Ordinary," 2 Drinks

  • If someone says "Lay Vicar," Shot of liquor

  • If a baby starts crying, 2 Drinks

  • If anyone sneezes, 2 Drinks

  • If someone's cell phone goes off, 3 Drinks

  • If anyone interrupts by shouting or otherwise intentionally disrupts the service, Chug

  • If anyone faints, Chug

  • If anyone throws up, Chug

  • If there is a shot of Prince Harry, 1 Drink

  • If there is a shot of Prince Charles, 1 Drink

  • If there is a shot of Camilla, 1 Drink

  • If there is a shot of Elton John, 2 Drinks

  • If there is a shot of the Queen, 2 Drinks

  • If there is a shot of  anyone crying, 2 Drinks

  • If there is a shot of Prince Harry crying, 3 Drinks

  • If there is a shot of Prince Charles crying, 3 Drinks

  • If there is a shot of Camilla crying, 3 Drinks

  • If there is a shot of Elton John crying, 3 Drinks

  • If there is a shot of the Queen showing any emotion at all, Chug

  • If Kate messes up her vows, 2 Drinks

  • If William messes up his vows, 2 Drinks

  • Start drinking after the Archbishop asks, "Do you take William/Kate to be your husband/wife?" Don't stop until there is a response.

  • THE PROCESSION

  • If there is a shot of Westminster Abbey, 1 Drink

  • If there is a shot of Big Ben or Parliament, 1 Drink

  • If there is a shot of Buckingham Palace, 1 Drink

  • If there is a shot of  the Queen waving, 2 Drinks

  • If there is someone along the procession route holding a clever sign, 1 Drink

  • If there is someone along the procession route drinking, raise your drink to them, then 2 Drinks

  • If there is someone along the procession route naked, Chug

  • If someone runs into the street during the procession,  Chug

  • If a horse poops on camera, 2 Drinks

  • If a human poops on camera, Cry