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So Guess Where This Woman Was Hiding Two Knives And A Bottle Of Pills

Another in our Pulitzer-winning series, Hilariously Understated Police Report Theater. Meet Gloria Perez. Gloria and her friend were arrested in Florida for possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (among many other charges). Police found a Walgreens' worth of pain killers on the duo after they were pulled over by Deputy John Poole. Now take it away, police report!

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  • "While Deputy Poole was verifying the females' identification Deputy Poole noticed that Gloria kept on putting her hands into her pockets and near her private area like she was trying to conceal something."

  • "Gloria became ill and was transported to Gulf Coast Hospital for further evaluation."

  • "Upon further evaluation at the hospital, the hospital staff located 2 knives, one being hidden in her vagina, and the other in a roll of fat in her stomach. Another bottle of pills was located in her body fat."