1. "Urgent" is a word that doesn't exist in your vocabulary.
2. Speaking of vocabulary, you could probably sum yourself up in just one word: late.
3. Procrastination? That would make a beautiful tattoo.
Time and death, a saga.
4. To you, the day feels like it's only three hours long.
And you're already three hours late.
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5. You manage to arrive late even to meetings that are in your own building.
All you have to do is go down in the elevator.
6. You've learned the hard way that you shouldn't arrive late for a job interview.
Welp, you can kiss that job goodbye.
7. Even if you plan your timing out perfectly before leaving in the morning, the universe will inevitably conspire against you to ensure that you're late.
8. You truly and sincerely believe that you CAN get there in five minutes.
"I'm not the problem. The problem is public transportation. Something's always going wrong with it!"
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9. Because really, being late isn't your fault.
It's a fluke. You've done everything in your power to be on time, and if that doesn't happen, well, your punctuality must not have been meant to be.
10. I mean, it's not your fault if it's already 8:10, when you should have arrived by 8:00, but your whole look just wasn't cooperating.
11. It's also not your fault if some little old lady with a cute dog walks past you on your way to the bus, and you just have to stop to compliment her pup.
"I'm so late, but just look at his little sweater!!! <3"
12. All of your friends already know that they have to tell you to be somewhere a full two hours before they actually plan on meeting up.
Because then they know that you'll actually get there on time (hopefully). Hey, at least that way you avoid their major side eye and unnecessary comments.
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13. And, if you get to the party on time, they're all shocked.
"Did you come by plane??"
14. You never get 100% of what your friends are saying because you always jump into the conversation late.
"Cool... I got the second part of what you said. Now, explain the first part to me."
15. Only you know the true creative talent it takes to make up excuses for your tardiness.
Whether your friends actually believe it or not is another story...
16. After all, a little white lie never hurt anyone, right?
"I left on time... it's just that I was on the bus when a tree fell into the middle of the street because it was raining and lightning struck it. (By the way, the tree was *this* close to falling on the bus — I'm lucky I'm alive!) So anyway, I got off the bus and decided to walk the rest of the way, but the road was closed off! Can you believe that??"
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17. You prefer not to know when you're running late.
Looking at clocks only stresses you out, further exacerbating the problem.
18. You might as well be in a committed relationship with the snooze button on your alarm clock.
Hitting that all day, every day.
19. And when you finally wake up early and arrive on time, you feel like you deserve an award.
A truly momentous occasion in the lives of tardy people everywhere.
This post was translated from Portuguese.
