1. Apple Turnover chocolatemoosey.com walmart.com "My diet? Well, yesterday I had an apple turnover..."NO YOU DIDN'T YOU LITERALLY ATE APPLE-FLAVORED GELATINOUS DAIRY. 2. Red Velvet Cake pinchmysalt.com wordpress.com YOU CAN'T JUST DYE A BUNCH OF LIVE ACTIVE CULTURES RED AND TELL ME THEY TASTE LIKE CAKE!!! 3. Strawberry Cheesecake browneyedbaker.com theimpulsivebuy.com Apparently, 87% of women suffer from digestive issues like irregularity, but now 100% of us suffer from the pain of associating our favorite kind of cheesecake with this goop that gives you the runs. 4. Cinnamon Rolls ezrapoundcake.com store.potomacgourmetmarket.com Mmm, just how I like my cinnamon rolls: cold, soupy, and full of millions of dying bacteria. 5. Black Forest Cake latanadelconiglio.com probablyedible.wordpress.com NOPE. 6. Key Lime Pie daringgourmet.com walmart.com Makes for a great treat when you want to recreate the taste of vomiting up a margarita and then immediately swallowing 3 cups of sugar. 7. Rainbow Sherbet news4mass.com Flickr: theimpulsivebuy The perfect snack for when I want to eat a mediocre version of a preexisting mediocre dessert. 8. Strawberry Shortcake smallkitchenchronicles.com yourptchris.blogspot.com The taste of this yogurt is indistinguishable from plain strawberry yogurt. Unless Yoplait is dealing with some next-level Willy Wonka cooking sorcery, there's no way they've replicated the taste of a flaky biscuit in yogurt form. 9. Peach Cobbler dlynz.com artpark78.com Once again, it is MORALLY and ETHICALLY wrong to consider anything that rapidly accelerates bowel movements as dessert. 10. Birthday cake thekitchn.com foodette-reviews.blogspot.com A quick and easy way to wish a happy birthday...TO YOUR WORST ENEMY MAUAHAHA. 11. Banana Cream Pie allyou.com walmart.com LITERALLY JUST BANANA-FLAVORED YOGURT. YOU CAN'T ADD "CREAM" FLAVOR TO A PRODUCT THAT IS, BY NATURE, CREAM FLAVORED. 12. Triple Berry Torte momsdish.com gianteagle.com Can you taste all three individual berries??? Because I can only taste REGRET. 13. Cosmopolitan inspiredtaste.net (Technically a cocktail, but a dessert for MANY) multivu.com GIRLS' NIGHT IN, AMIRITE LADIES? HAHAHA...HA...-weeps-.