How To Have The Perfect Thanksgiving

Ah, Thanksgiving. One of the great American traditions. Though it is lots of fun, sometimes planning it can be overwhelming. Here's how to have a successful thanksgiving.

Step One: Creating the Menu

There are several key components to the perfect Thanksgiving meal.

The Turkey: Buy it 2 weeks in advance- they sell out quickly. Leave it out to thaw the day of, and voila! You're done.

Vegetables: Every Thanksgiving meal needs some veggies. Buy a head of iceberg lettuce and have your guests peel off a leaf for themselves as they enter. It's a nice kick-off to the day.

Side Dishes: Sure, classic cranberry sauce is great, but a more economical approach is a bowl of mashed grapes. It's kinda the same thing, right? Likewise, rolls are delicious, but an even cheaper option is buying a loaf of Wonderbread. Same type of food, just in a different form.

Desserts: Sugar and spice and everything nice! Serve your guests a one pound bag of sugar and a bottle of cinnamon. Yummy!

Step Two: Decorations

Michael Shaw / (Michael Shaw/Emerald)

In order to create the right kind of atmosphere for your Thanksgiving, you have to include some decorations. What's more seasonally appropriate than bringing a bit of the outdoors into your home? Cover the floor of your house in hay. Some guests might complain about "allergies," but screw 'em - who cares?

Step Three: Guests

The type of people you invite to your celebration can really make or break your celebration. There's nothing worse than awkward conversation! To keep things flowing, keep your guest list selective. Children are loud and messy, so don't let them into your house. Some parents might take offense to this, so don't tell them until they arrive that their kids aren't allowed inside. Same goes for senior citizens - they aren't young enough to keep up with the newest trends and therefore won't contribute much to the conversation. Make them stand outside. They can deal.

Step Four: Traditions

Giving thanks is one of the most important parts of Thanksgiving, second only to the sweet deals on Black Friday. If you’re drawing a blank on things to be thankful for, here are some ideas:

* Low gas prices

* The abundance of options of store-brand Cheese-It-like crackers

* The OJ Simpson trial

* High gas prices

* The 25th amendment

* The Fast And Furious Franchise

Happy Thanksgiving!