1. This petty child:
Kid next door has been going though a phase of pushing toys out the letterbox. This morning, he stepped that shit up
2. This sad truth:
Before I had kids, I didn't even know it was possible to destroy an entire house with a granola bar.
3. This future important business lady:
My daughter brings a checklist to stores now and just makes random checks. It makes everyone uncomfortable.
4. This all too common predicament:
wife:Can you get 3 dressed? [10 minutes later] 3*runs out of the room without any pants on and his head stuck in his shirt* me [bleeding] No
5. This life lesson:
When your child and your dog disappear upstairs for an hour, you should totally be suspicious.
6. This moment of innocence:
when ur sister uses deodorant for the first time n gets the ruler out cos "it's to be 15cm away"
7. This significant achievement:
My 3 y/o daughter made her first pun today and I almost cried. She was eating an apple I asked her if she liked apples she said apple-lutely
8. This important job:
Wow. How is my son going to pull off this most coveted of theatrical roles
9. This dark truth:
When you ask a 1st grade class to write letters to people in a nursing home...
10. This prediction for the future:
Fully expecting a few carefully worded questions at the next parents' night.
11. This list of grievances:
Kids' complaints on vacation: - No wifi on beach - Sand is sandy - Ocean has salt in it - Lobsters? I want pizza. - Too outdoorsy outside
12. This terrifying prank:
One time my sister scared the shit out of my parents by walking down the stairs like this
13. This incredibly patient cat:
My niece tied her cat to the chair with a scarf and made him watch tv with her omfg
14. This future star writer:
My sister is quite the speller
15. This miracle:
this is my 1st time babysitting & idk where i went wrong but my niece is currently asleep on her head do i call th… https://t.co/3mvNwdtOk7
16. This sincere warning:
Our laundry room flooded because an apple chunk clogged the washer hose. Go ahead, have kids. They have pocket apples.
17. This total child genius:
Kids on TV spelling words I've never heard before. Mine got stuck in his onesie #ChildGenius
18. This sinister warning:
The 6 year-old son of a colleague has just drawn this. He has offered no explanation for it.
19. This beautiful family photo:
Me: We've taken 1,000 pics. We're never going to get all 4 kids smiling at once. Wife: Fine. Just pick the best one