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    31 Funny Tweets To Distract You From Life For Like Two Minutes

    Take a break and laugh at these tweets.

    1.

    Wanted a toothbrush, got a cyberpunk future.

    2.

    he was a skater corg, she said see you later corg

    3.

    Forget your financial worries in an instant by trapping some pubic hair in your zip.

    4.

    When will my husband return from pollinating...

    5.

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    7.

    RT if u agree that ice cream is a journey

    8.

    When it skulks on a reef And has two sets of teeth ... That's a moray.

    9.

    the cvs cashier asked me how im doing as i put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "not great man ive got diarrhea" i told him

    10.

    he whomsoever that canst draw the motorola from this carriageway shall be kinge of all post brexit englandde

    11.

    I know Jaffa Cake has 'cake' in its name. Bonnie Tyler has 'tiler' in her name but I wouldn't ask her to regrout my bathroom.

    12.

    At @waitrose you can buy an empty jam jar for £2 or an identical one full of jam for £1.71. You decide...

    13.

    ONE OF MY MUMS EMPLOYEES ACCEPTED THIS AS PAYMENT HAHAHAHA

    14.

    Told the kids Carpet World was a theme park. They loved it

    15.

    I live with 4 white boys n Im soo tired of buying dish liquid in my house, i put my dish liquid in my room and gues… https://t.co/IQsB9yiKcJ

    16.

    when your nan brings the biscuit barrel out..

    17.

    Javert: AND I AM JAVERT, DO NOT FORGET MY NAME IKEA: got it

    18.

    When your mum sends you to the chippy to get some chips and doesn't ask for her change back

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    We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it's fun to not be able to open that drawer.

    21.

    [restaurant owners meeting] "we should start asking customers if they've been here before" why though? "absolutely no reason at all" ok deal

    22.

    When your duck is actually really posh

    23.

    THE "IT" CINEMATIC UNIVERSE CORRECT VIEWING ORDER It It Follows It Comes At Night Bring It On It's Complicated Just Go With It Bring It On 2

    24.

    sickest dj feeling is when im making rice and when it boils i turn the hob from highest heat to lowest like yes m8 ave it crowd goes wild

    25.

    TFW u fave shady tweets from a twitter argument you're not involved in at all

    26.

    LOOK AT HOW HAPPY MY CAT IS THAT I BROUGHT HER A FRESH PAPER BAG

    27.

    Hate when your shopping with ur mum and she bumps into someone & they go 'that's never your son is it' like na i'm just filling in 4 the day

    28.

    starbucks worker: hi how are you me, suddenly confused: yes

    29.

    When your dad is about to turn the damn car around.

    30.

    This carrot looks.. as if it wants to be an astronaut so badly

    31.

    so disappointed after seeing this photo & realizing that's a third llama in the back & not the arm of the right lla… https://t.co/PxPsAZJ5My