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31 Funny Tweets To Distract You From Life For Like Two Minutes

Take a break and laugh at these tweets.

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1.

Wanted a toothbrush, got a cyberpunk future.

2.

he was a skater corg, she said see you later corg

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3.

Forget your financial worries in an instant by trapping some pubic hair in your zip.

4.

When will my husband return from pollinating...

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7.

RT if u agree that ice cream is a journey

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8.

When it skulks on a reef And has two sets of teeth ... That's a moray.

9.

the cvs cashier asked me how im doing as i put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "not great man ive got diarrhea" i told him

10.

he whomsoever that canst draw the motorola from this carriageway shall be kinge of all post brexit englandde

11.

I know Jaffa Cake has 'cake' in its name. Bonnie Tyler has 'tiler' in her name but I wouldn't ask her to regrout my bathroom.

12.

At @waitrose you can buy an empty jam jar for £2 or an identical one full of jam for £1.71. You decide...

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13.

ONE OF MY MUMS EMPLOYEES ACCEPTED THIS AS PAYMENT HAHAHAHA

14.

Told the kids Carpet World was a theme park. They loved it

15.

I live with 4 white boys n Im soo tired of buying dish liquid in my house, i put my dish liquid in my room and gues… https://t.co/IQsB9yiKcJ

16.

when your nan brings the biscuit barrel out..

17.

Javert: AND I AM JAVERT, DO NOT FORGET MY NAME IKEA: got it

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18.

When your mum sends you to the chippy to get some chips and doesn't ask for her change back

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20.

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it's fun to not be able to open that drawer.

21.

[restaurant owners meeting] "we should start asking customers if they've been here before" why though? "absolutely no reason at all" ok deal

22.

When your duck is actually really posh

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23.

THE "IT" CINEMATIC UNIVERSE CORRECT VIEWING ORDER It It Follows It Comes At Night Bring It On It's Complicated Just Go With It Bring It On 2

24.

sickest dj feeling is when im making rice and when it boils i turn the hob from highest heat to lowest like yes m8 ave it crowd goes wild

25.

TFW u fave shady tweets from a twitter argument you're not involved in at all

26.

LOOK AT HOW HAPPY MY CAT IS THAT I BROUGHT HER A FRESH PAPER BAG

27.

Hate when your shopping with ur mum and she bumps into someone & they go 'that's never your son is it' like na i'm just filling in 4 the day

28.

starbucks worker: hi how are you me, suddenly confused: yes

29.

When your dad is about to turn the damn car around.

30.

This carrot looks.. as if it wants to be an astronaut so badly

31.

so disappointed after seeing this photo & realizing that's a third llama in the back & not the arm of the right lla… https://t.co/PxPsAZJ5My

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