Scaredy Bats: Top Ten Things That Vampires Fear

Vampires drool and werewolves rule. Here’s why.

Proceed with caution. You might get your hands dirty.

Via i.telegraph.co.uk

We at Fierce Ink Press embrace all YA genres. That said, one of our authors feels that vampires have been getting more than their fair share of the attention. Kat Kruger, author of the werewolf series The Magdeburg Trilogy, offers up a list of the top 10 completely irrational phobias that vampires have and illustrates how they are in fact the hypochondriacs of the undead world.

10. Photophobia (sunlight)

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Sun comes up, vampires cringe. Have they never heard of sunblock? This fear is unsurprising, really. Vampires are pretentious. Historically speaking, they come mostly from aristocracy and tans were a sign that you worked out in the field. Who’s ever seen a peasant vampire?

9. Alliumphobia (garlic)

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Vampires should consider themselves lucky that they aren’t able to digest any real food because some of the best recipes I can think of include garlic. I’m pretty sure this has everything to do with image again. They want people to fear them for their presence, not recoil from bad breath.

8. Aichmophobia (sharp objects)

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Every kid is taught to not run with scissors. Vampire kids are taught to apply that same caution to wooden stakes, popsicle sticks, toothpicks … I can only imagine how they’d react to a splinter.

7. Staurophobia (crucifixes)

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Or maybe it’s actually symbolophobia, the fear of symbolism. Like sparkles representing the decline of terror in vampire lore.

6. Hydrophobia (water)

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Holy water to be exact. Combined with the previous fear, I suspect they’re also theophobic (aka afraid of religion). Want to date a vampire? Forget about ever checking out Vatican City. And trust me, the Sistine Chapel is something you want to see IRL.

5. Enochlophobia (crowds)

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If we’re being honest here, it’s not just the angry mobs. Crowds are simply too bourgeois for vampires.

4. Arsonphobia (fire)

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The very thing that defines human civilization is one of the things that vampires shun. Without fire we would never have come out from our caves. Kind of a slap in the face to human society to diss our humble yet innovative beginnings, isn’t it? You think you’re too good for our fire, vampires? Well, maybe our blood is too good for you, too.

3. Argyrophobia (silver)

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True, werewolves have a similar fear of silver. In bullet form. Kind of a big difference between that and a little bit of bling.

2. Traumatophobia (injury)

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Considering all the fears above, no wonder vampires only come out when everyone’s asleep at night. They must be nervous wrecks.

1. Commitmentphobia

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A word of advice to any vampires here. Nobody likes a person, undead or not, who commits a dine and dash. In the words of Beyoncé, “If you liked it then you shoulda...”

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So, there you have it. A roundup of why vampires should truly be henceforward known as wimpires and lose to the awesome prowess of werewolves.

This post first appeared on (un) Death-Match.

Kat Kruger is a freelance writer and social media consultant with a degree in public relations from Mount Saint Vincent University. Her first novel, The Night Has Teeth (The Magdeburg Trilogy, Book One) won the 34th Atlantic Writing Competition, was listed as a Best Book for Kids & Teens by the Canadian Children's Book Centre (Spring 2013) and has over 1 million reads on Wattpad. The final book in the series was published on June 22, 2014 by Fierce Ink Press.