Redditor u/hoeka_mos asked the question: "Partners of sleep-talkers or sleepwalkers, what gems have you to share?" The responses that flooded in were funny at times. Other times, they were quite unsettling — let's dive in.
1. "My wife woke up in the middle of the night to find me slowly walking out of our bedroom. Wife: 'Are you OK? What are you doing?' Me: 'There’s somebody downstairs in the kitchen, unrolling the tinfoil.'"
"Wife: Ooooo-Kay. What’s your plan?
Me: I’m going to stop them.
Wife: Shall we get a bit more sleep, then both go down together?
Me: OK.
And I went back to bed. Subsequent investigations found a small plastic bag on the floor, near my head, being rustled by the movement of the curtain, the window being open."
2. "My boyfriend woke me up the other day by gently putting his fingers in my mouth, and I kept moving my head out of the way until eventually I was like, 'Can you stop that?' He then sounded genuinely upset and asked why I woke him up as he was having a really nice dream about feeding a deer. Brilliant."
3. "My ex-boyfriend sometimes talked in his sleep. Once I was still up reading a book, and I hadn't noticed that he was already asleep next to me. Suddenly he bursts out, 'Will you just give me the fucking yogurt already, Shannon!?' in a flawless British accent and scares the shit out of me. We're both German, and none of our first languages include English. We didn't know a Shannon. He's lactose-intolerant."
4. "He farted very loudly and proceeded to say, 'You got the wrong guy.'"
5. "My girl woke up one night and said 'Did you find your rocks?' and I asked her what she was talking about, and she said, 'I don't know. I'm just trying to make conversation,' and promptly went back to sleep. She has no recollection of this."
6. "Sigh; my boyfriend either recites postcodes (delivery driver) or calls the dog in his sleep. So either he is mad no one is responding to his postcode nonsense, or I get a flying 30-kilogram dog to my body."
7. "My aunt likes to tell the story about her and my cousin sharing a hotel room one time. My aunt woke up having to pee, and found my cousin sitting up in bed with her arms folded across her abdomen, kind of rocking back and forth and giggling quietly. When my aunt asked her what she was doing, my cousin said, 'I’m holding a baby, and it has an adult smile!' I found this story deeply unsettling."
8. "Once my ex said 'horse.' That's all. Just horse. But with a sense of urgency. The same ex told me I once sat straight up in bed and mumbled, 'Jesus, grandma, you scared the shit out of me.' I had been dreaming that I was in bed at night and my grandma (still alive at the time) wandered into the room and stood at the end of the bed with a blank stare."
9. "Fantastic sleep songs with lyrics which are utterly bizarre. My two absolute favorites have been:"
"'1. Oh whoa whoa, it's a corner cat.'
2. 'Obey my rules, an' you'll always be, a country cowboy' — repeated about five times and finished with a 'yeaaahhh.'"
10. "So this one time while my S.O. was sleeping, she randomly reaches over and starts to pet my leg softly. When I ask her what she’s doing, she looks at me like I’m stupid and says, 'What does it look like? I’m petting this fluffy baby penguin.' Then pauses for a second, pats my leg again, and blurts out, 'Wait, this isn’t a penguin!' I have never laughed so hard over someone talking in their sleep."
11. "My wife started screaming one night that she was lost in the local grocery store, and that no matter where she went she couldn't find her way out. I asked her, has she tried checking out at the cash registers? She then looked at me and said in her most sincere voice, 'That's why you are the smartest person I know.' And she rolled over and fell back asleep."
12. "One night, my boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night, tapping me on my shoulder. He put his finger on his mouth, whispered 'shush' to me, then pointed at the door and told me, 'I can hear something; don't move.' Predictably, I nearly shit my pants. All the worst possible scenarios crossed my mind, and the moment of silence after he shushed me felt like hours. Then, he started waving his hands and talking about Tetris, 'the Swirlies' (IDK), and making sure we don't align... And that's how I learnt my boyfriend talks in his sleep."
13. "My wife was an avid sleep talker for a long time, and her midnight announcements range from simple single words to elaborate speeches. The ones that really stand out to me are: Waking up in the middle of the night to her suddenly sitting violently up in bed, throwing back the covers, and screaming: 'TARANTULA!!' Whispering my name repeatedly, which woke me up so she could share in a hushed, cautious voice: 'There is an alligator in here.' When I expressed my concern (playing along), she told me, still whispering: 'It’s OK. It has been here before.'"
14. "Years ago, my wife was mumbling in her sleep and seemed a bit upset. I wanted to comfort her, without waking her up too much, so I said, 'Honey, you're fine. Do you know where you are?' She slugged me in the arm and said, 'I'm in a place where punch buggies are seen first.' She then rolled over and muttered to herself, 'Chugga-chugga-chugga-buggy,' and went back to sleep. She didn't remember a thing the next morning."
15. "My grandfather was a hard sleep talker. One day my grandfather, while sleeping, was saying, 'Do I punch this asshole?' My grandmother replied, 'Yeah, punch him.' Then my grandfather in his sleep punched her."
16. "My girlfriend once yelled in her sleep, 'no No NO you SPUNKY LESBIAN.' I'm a dude, still tease her about it."
17. "Ex-roommate talked in his sleep. Once, he cried out, 'NO GANDALF!'"
18. "I'm the sleep talker here; got this from my wife the next morning. Me: *sits bolt upright* They're coming. Everything's ready. Wife: *sleepily* Huh? Me: They're coming. Everything's ready. Wife: They're coming? Me: Mmmhmm. Wife: But everything's ready? Me: ...yes Wife: Sounds like we're OK then. Me: *comically flops back down and instantly goes back to sleep.*"
19. "My mom sleepwalks sometimes. When she was in the middle of her residency, she came into my room in the middle of the night and sharply asked, 'Did you give [patient] her dose of {medication} like I asked you to 15 minutes ago?' I groggily replied, 'Who? Wha?' She just huffed and said, 'Well, I guess that answers my question,' before turning around and leaving (without closing the door, of course). She didn't remember a thing about it the next morning."
20. "My wife was mumbling a lot and suddenly shouted, 'DONKEY KICK!' as she kicked me in my shin, so that was fun."
21. "Napping with the boyfriend, a loud noise wakes me, but he's still out. Me: What was that? Him: Either a tree or a magic eraser."
22. "I've been told that, as a child, my father would regularly sleepwalk into his dad's bedroom and urinate in his work shoes."
23. "He got up, went into the kitchen, and ate one bite of a mini pecan pie — no fork, just a straight bite — then apparently remembered he hates pecan pie and left it stacked neatly on the little box. Another time, he sat up and stared straight ahead at the wall, didn't respond to me asking what was wrong. He stood up, walked into the wall, then stood there like he was contemplating the barrier. He just backed up exactly as he came, sat down, and swung back into bed like nothing happened. That was creepy."
24. "My boyfriend scoots over to me to big spoon/little spoon, and I snuggle in, thinking that’s all it was. Then he gets real close to my ear and whispers, 'Just so you know, there’s something in the closet. Like a...a cartoon turtle.' I did my best not to bust out laughing and just said, “OK, honey!” When he woke up, he had no memory of it whatsoever, of course!"
25. "My dad just screams HEEEEEY a lot."
26. "When I was a child about 5 years old, I was sleeping in my parents' bed for some reason. Mom was awake; Dad and I were asleep. Suddenly my father and I have this cross-sleep conversation while my mom lays between us, quietly freaked out: 'Dad, you better not take my toys!' I mutter angrily. 'OK, I won't,' my father responds. 'Don't even touch them.' 'OK.' Not particularly scintillating conversation, but notable for the fact that were both asleep and still responding to each other. It was like making Alexa and Siri talk to each other, LOL."
27. "My boyfriend had his tonsils removed awhile back, so he was on some pain-reducing drugs that kept him sedated and, in his words, made him 'a fucking dumbass.' He had a conversation in his sleep with me about how I shouldn't trust leprechauns, because they conned him out of gold coins by giving him foil-wrapped chocolate coins instead. Also, he said not to trust Irish people, because they were honorary leprechauns."
28. "Not my partner, but my younger brother and I used to share a room and used bunkbeds. One night I heard him mumble, 'I don't create the weather; I just predict it.'"
29. "My brother would get up, go into the living room, say some nonsense shit to our parents, and go back to bed. It was actually pretty creepy the first time, because he was like: 'They ARE in the walls. THEY ARE!'"
30. "My mom used to wake me up for school because I’d sleep through my alarms. She has a bunch of stories about weird shit I’ve said to her right before waking. 'He’s not here; check down the street!' 'Just put it on the roof, and it’ll blow away.'"
31. "My mum jumped my dad, because in her dream he was a thief that stole an old lady out of the hospital, so she had to catch him."
32. "My younger brother says the most ridiculous stuff. One time he said, 'Get off my treasure,' in a pirate voice. Another time he said, 'Get your hands off my fish.'"
33. "My girlfriend was sleep working one night."
"Her: Can we get that done this week?
Me: Huh?
Her: Can we get that done this week?
Me: Sorry?
Her: Can we get that done this week please?
Me: OK.
Her: Thanks." —u/Crassus87
34. "Not a partner but...1 o'clock in the morning I got a phone call from my friend in the next street. My 6-year-old daughter had just knocked on her door and then walked in mumbling about not being able to do her sums! I raced up there and walked home with her, put her back to bed, and she didn't wake up or remember a thing the next day. By the next night, our house was like Fort Knox!!!"
35. "He started shouting that he couldn’t feel his left arm. I pointed out he was pinching his pillow, not his arm. He then freaked out that he had lost his arm. I pointed out his arm was UNDER his pillow. He said OK and started snoring. It took me another hour to get back to sleep. He didn’t wake up at all."
36. "My GF does a bit of sleep talking. I mentioned a sheep character from Animal Crossing (Dom), and she sounded like she was about to cry, saying, 'He doesn't have hands.' (Which, to be fair, he doesn't.)"
37. "My Mrs. called me a wriggly little enzyme while she was sleeping. I've never ever heard her use that word before."
38. "Lmaoo, one time, my ex was asleep and started to snore progressively louder. He startled himself half awake, and he says out loud (to himself), 'Shut UP. I'm sleeping.' Oh, I snorted my drink through my nose."
39. "I was watching The Exorcist with my dad and my brother, and at the beginning of the movie, some archaeologists find a little statue that releases the devil or something. Anyway, we finish the movie, and my brother falls asleep on the other couch, so my dad and I just watch another movie. The second that movie ended, my brother sat bolt upright and walked to the middle of the room asking, 'Where's the statue?' We're like, 'What statue?' and he's going, 'The statue! The statue!' — eventually he makes a motion with his hands like he's picking something up, moves it over about a foot, and then puts this imaginary statue back down. He went right back to sleep again after. My dad and I got a great laugh out of it."
40. "My boyfriend once blurted out, 'You’re putting BREAD in my ears,' in his sleep, mumbled something unintelligible, and then followed up with, 'And I’m becoming a SANDWICH.' Still makes me laugh whenever I remember."
41. "I'm the sleep talker. I don't remember any of this, but my boyfriend said I did this to him. In the middle of the night, I hit my boyfriend's ass hard with my knee. Obviously he was pretty upset. He sat up to stretch, and I said, 'I'll stretch too!' Did stretches and laid back down. Then, while making full eye contact with him, I grabbed the blanket and threw it off of him. Then rolled over and started snoring immediately."
42. "Roommate freshman year of college was a sleepwalker/sleep talker. I woke up one night and saw him sitting straight up on the side of the bed just staring at me (eyes fully open), just talking gibberish about golf. He was going on about Phil Mickelson or some shit. Next morning, I told him about it, and he just laughed and said, 'Sorry, I tend to do that from time to time.'"
43. "I'd be the king of Monaco! My wife said this one night out of nowhere. The funniest part was her tone of voice, proud and assertive, like she was really sure of her claim to the throne."
44. "Husband woke up in the morning and told me about a crazy dream he had: We were hosting a party, and he was serving cookies. He was upset that nobody was eating them. When we went downstairs, we discovered a full plate of cookies sitting on our dining table."
45. "We were freshly married and living overseas. It was hot in our room. My husband mumbled something, which I didn’t quite catch. I asked him to repeat it. He got up, opened the bedroom window, and said very pointedly, 'Air flow, Bitch!' then laid back down, completely asleep. Now, my husband has never, not once, ever called me a name or even raised his voice to me, so this is particularly hilarious."
46. "One of the first nights me and my girlfriend spend together, she wakes up at 2 a.m. and sits up super fast. It wakes me up, and I look over only to hear her quickly say, 'Pizza. Order a pizza,' then lie back down and start snoring within a minute."
47. "After watching The Lego Movie, I really got into the Batman franchise. This rather peeved my boyfriend. It peeved him so much that one night, while he was sleeping with his back to me, in a split second he sat bolt upright, turned to me, and yelled, 'FUCK BATMAN!' right in my face. He then immediately slumped back down and continued snoring."
48. "My wife not only sleep talks, but she also hallucinates. She has woken me up numerous times because there are kittens under my pillow that she needs to rescue. Or another recent adventure was when she dreamt there was a snake in our bed and it was going to attack me. She jumped out of bed, turned on the lights, and ripped off the comforter. She then proceeded to tell me about how she saved me, that she was a hero, and she was excited to be meeting with Steve Irwin."
49. "I sleepwalk once in a while, but apparently when I was a toddler I used to sleepwalk, cry, and say, 'She's following me.' or just try to leave the house by myself. Nowadays if it happens, I wake up looking at my reflection in the mirror in the dark."
50. "I was about 14 years old. Me and my best friend went to sleep (we were sleeping in his basement) after watching a horror movie. I realized that I was sleepwalking when I regained consciousness while I was swinging on his rocking chair on the first floor (in his living room), at 3 or 4 a.m."
51. "I had to share a room with my brother in our teens. He always mumbled unintelligible garbage, waking me up. One night he just blurted out 'the monkey eats the frooooog.' Next day he kept telling everyone about this crazy Starfox dream he had that night."
52. "Some day, IDK when, I just sleepwalked over to the fridge, took out a whole-ass chicken, and threw it down the balcony, where it nearly knocked off somebody down there. l know this because they told me it next day."
53. "Just last night, my husband sat up like a bullet and began searching for his watch. He found it and declared, 'We shall call it Pumpkintown!' He hands me the watch like an award and shakes my hand and says that he is the Mayor of Pumpkintown. Then I said, 'Oooh, thank you, Mayor! He next lied down, smiling from ear to ear. I ask, 'Were you recently elected?' He says, 'Yes! Yes!' and nods his head emphatically. He then puts his watch on. I ask him why. He says, 'I always need to know the time here ‘cause I’m the mayor!' He is so proud to be mayor that for the rest of the night he says it periodically. The next day he remembers nothing."
Do you have any wild sleep walking or talking stories you would like to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Note: Some answers have been edited for length and/or clarity.